Dear Sex is Complicating My Relationship:

I think you’re confusing a relationship that’s more about sex, with a hook up. You both want a relationship, not a hook up, and the fact that sex is the main event has confused you. The reality is that even a Fifty Shades relationship requires compatibility! Hook ups, less so. Whenever you have a relationship — whether it’s a friendship, a romance or a casual sex relationship, it’s got aspects of a relationship that require the same dynamics as other relationships in your life. You’re looking for compatibility here, and it sounds like there are some things about him that you like, and others you don’t, and that has to do with the sex and the dynamics that aren’t primarily sexual in nature. In any relationship, compromise, deal making and knowing your deal breakers are all important. I suggest you know your deal breakers, which may be particular sex acts you love, and those you’re not comfortable with, and the things that annoy you but aren’t deal breakers, like his schedule — that maybe you can compromise on by agreeing to meet on those days, but only places you want to meet, or only every other month — you get the idea, I’m sure! And remember that some of the things you don’t like, like his control, are part of what makes the sex hot for you both, so think twice before eliminating something or putting it on your deal breaker list!