Dear April,
I’m 31, and married the love of my life in June after dating him for 2 years. He is a wonderful man I met three years ago at work. He works the day shift, and I work the night shift. He works all day and then goes hunting. He loves to hunt. He goes morning and night, and he never misses a day. I’m glad he has a hobby, but when I ask him to stay with me, he doesn’t. We never make love, and we used to all the time before we got married. I don’t know what to do. All I want is to be able to spend more time with him. I love him so much. Any advice?
Signed,
Feeling Lonely While Married
Dear Feeling Lonely While Married,
In spite of all the jokes, it’s not normal to get married and stop having sex altogether. Especially since the two of you don’t have kids who can be obstacles to intimacy. This is a problem that is worth addressing and can be fixed pretty quickly if you’re willing to make some changes, yourself.
First of all, you have to give him something to want to stay home for. In other words, you have to be seductive and sexy. Familiarity is very common in marriages, and it combats excitement and seduction, so break the pattern and make things more exciting at home for him. There are lots of ways to do this. Personally, you can make sure you’re taking care of yourself by being in the mood, and setting the mood. Buy new lingerie, wear sexy clothing, and make your home a place that’s more conducive to having a romantic, sexual life together. Scented candles, a beautiful dinner, making him feel desired — these are all ways to get him more interested. Second, you have to give yourselves opportunities to have sex. It doesn’t always just happen when you’re very familiar with each other, which is a challenge in marriage.
