Dear Not Sure Boyfriend Likes Me:

Very quickly, I can tell you that your having a male roommate is a turnoff. I know that you say he’s platonic, and there’s nothing between the two of you, but turn the tables for a minute. If you were interested in a man, and he had a female roommate, you’d be wary about getting involved — even if he told you they were just friends, and you’d be right to feel wary. Men and women can’t be friends because one person always feels differently about the other. There is always some percentage of attraction — and you may not feel it, but the roommate may. This can make dating you more complicated than you realize. I know you think this guy is just like a brother, but you have to put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s interested in you. He’s looking at you, and seeing there’s this guy you’re living with and wondering about your history together with this guy, your availability to him if he comes over to visit you and this guy is there, and this other guy’s feelings about you (regardless of yours about him!). You probably never thought of this before, but it’s time, now!

This guy you’re interested in doesn’t want to get involved with someone who’s living with a man — whether it’s you or some other woman. And even if things don’t work out with this particular guy you like, this situation is a turnoff for any other future guys who would normally be interested, too. And anyone who doesn’t know you very well, and might be thinking of getting to know you or asking you out, may think you’re involved and may not even bother to consider you further. There’s no question about it: having a male roommate sends the wrong signal. Once you get rid of the male roommate, you’ll have a much better idea if this guy is interested in dating you.

The second tip I have for you is to not be so available. When you’re not available, you’re going to have a much clearer picture of his intentions. It’s nice that you want to include him in group dates and as another party at dinners with your friends, but when you’re the one to invite him out, even in a group, you don’t get the opportunity to learn if he’d ask you out otherwise — and you take away the opportunity for him to ask you out. He can’t miss you or desire you if you’re always there. The only way you’re going to know if he wants to date you is to not be so forthcoming in inviting him places, so that you’ll know if he’s doing the asking or not. You’ll also be less confused about where you stand — and where he stands. You may, however, be disappointed if you stop inviting him and then he doesn’t ask you out, but it’s absolutely worth the risk to know. At least that way, you know not to waste your time on someone who’s not into you. And if he does ask you out, because you stopped inviting him to go out, the dynamic of the relationship changes from friendship to dating!