Dear Caught Boyfriend on Dating Site,

I’ve got to disagree with you. While it was wrong for him to tell you he wanted you to be exclusive to him, all the while he was playing the field, the whole point of dating if you want a committed, long term relationship, is to really play the field, get to know men, and then decide if someone is a guy you want to be exclusive with, not the other way around. If you’re exclusive too quickly, you’ve taken yourself off the market, thereby closing yourself off to opportunities, and made a commitment to someone you don’t know that well, so that it doesn’t work out, there’s more drama in a break up than if you’d been dating casually while getting to know each other. It also gives you a serial monogamy experience, and if things don’t work out time and again, you’re going to feel the weigh of failure more quickly than if you’re playing the field until you’re both ready to commit.

My general rule of thumb is to spend the first three months dating someone to figure out if he’s someone you want to continue dating. You have to know your own deal breakers, as well as what you have to offer, and try to find out his, as well. You can meet an amazing man, but if you’re not compatible, and your deal breakers don’t line up, you’re not a good match. Time really does help you get to know people if you’re dating smart.  And if, after three months of dating each other, you’re both still interested and want to continue dating, you should spend the next three months dating, deciding if you want to be monogamous or not. I know that sounds like a long time, but if you think about it, six months is a really good amount of time to get to know someone. It’s only at the six month point, if you agree to be mutually monogamous, that there’s any type of commitment. This set of guidelines goes for both men and women, and I think it’s the most productive way to really focus on finding Mr. or Ms. Right.