Dear Lied About My Age,

Women have been lying about their age for a long time, now. They used to lie about their age because it was considered an asset to be youthful, and if they weren’t, they might as well appear as if they were! Some women who were older than their husbands lied about their ages because it was not chic to be older than one’s husband. In fact, many women went to their graves with the secret of how old they actually were, leaving families confused about birth certificates that just didn’t add up to the age on a deceased female family member’s tombstone. So, you’re not alone in not being truthful about your age. However, many men and women don’t feel that what was once chic dishonesty has any place in today’s world of dating where meeting on the internet, or through dating services or via a friend of a friend of a friend leaves many unanswered questions about who someone really is. Anyone who’s had bad luck dating online, will know that one person’s self description of “svelte” is another’s description of “loves Dunkin’ Donuts a little bit too much”. Or “athletic” as a body type for one person, means, “once drove by a gym” to another. One person’s honesty is another’s fiction. And this guy you lied to about your age may be wondering what else you didn’t tell the truth about. Rather than ask what you’re eating because you look so amazing that you actually passed for almost a decade younger than your 39 years for the three months you were dating, he decided to go to a darker place and wonder what else you were not truthful about. I’m sure that running through his head were questions like, “Is she really single? Or is there a husband hiding in the bushes ready to jump out and kill me with a machete?” And while this may seem far-fetched to you, he’s got his own experience with dating, and I guarantee you that his mistrust and deep hurt over your fibbing about your age came from his own personal experiences.

Consider that his cutting off the relationship just like that, because he found out you lied about your age, as a warning shot that he was possibly going to act in the same rash fashion over other things in the future that were more important than your age or having dated someone for three months. I know you think he was amazing, but reconsider that the two of you were still getting to know each other, and while he discovered your real age, you discovered how he reacts when things aren’t always what they seem. What would he do if he found out you’re not a real blonde? Or if you had cosmetic surgery and your breasts or your nose are not exactly what your children together might be born with? You may have just dodged a bullet by finding out about his reactive nature early on in the dating process.

That said, if a man wants to date and marry a woman with whom he can have a couple of kids, your age absolutely matters, and he feels like you wasted his time and played with his heart by not being honest about your age and your ability to have kids. For that reason alone, you shouldn’t lie about your age — or at the very least, instead of shaving off close to a decade, try just a couple of years, knowing that some men want a woman who’s a certain age, just like some women want a man who’s a certain age or a certain race or who practices a certain religion, it’s entirely fair game for a guy to want a younger woman. So, while you may think you’re fabulous at almost 40, inversely, he may feel duped because he really wanted a 30 year old. Rather than teach a guy a lesson about ageism, respect his need to date someone of a certain age. And, if you’re finding that you really like someone, rather than risk having him uncover your secret, spring it on them yourself. They’ll think you’re a lot more honest if you reveal a lie about your age, yourself, than if they figure it out themselves.