[relationshipa1]

I’ve been seeing this amazing guy (Ray) for half a year- everything was going great- honestly I’ve never felt this way about anyone in my life. He really brought out the best in me, and changed my life! For this I’ll always be thankful to him. I was completely self-less in the relationship! I’ve always been a bit selfish, but not with Ray! I gave him everything he wanted, and then some. I never came over empty handed. His friends all loved me too, and said I was the right guy for ray! And it seems crazy because we weren’t together for that long but it felt right, it just worked. Well about 3 months into our relationship I could tell he was distancing himself– come to find out his ex is still in the picture. His ex was his first love. They dated for a year, broke up, and then briefly dated again, it was about six months before I dated him that they finally ended things. Truth be told, Ray’s ex is a great person, but not good enough for Ray. Ray even admitted this. So, basically Ray can’t give me 100% because his ex is still in the picture, and even though he doesn’t think his ex is good enough to date him again, he doesn’t want to shut the door on him. He says he has strong feelings for me, but he;s just not ready…I don’t know what to do. I cant take this anymore, I’m really struggling. I love Ray, I changed my life for him, and I could talk to him all day, everyday– should I wait? Do you think he’ll come around? Or do I just have on rose colored glasses? No one else interests me… I don’t want to move on. Ray doesn’t appreciate me as much as he should, but should I wait for the day he realizes that I’m really a great match for him? will that day ever come? I don’t know what to do :/

[crazed-driver]

Firstly I’ve got to say, (even though I don’t know you or never spoken to you before), he’s an extremly lucky guy. Having a woman that’s doing all the worrying/chasing and he’s not even 100% ready to be with you. Anyway back to your problem. Well I’m not 100% sure of what to do if I was you, so you’ll have to wait for April to post or more members. The only thing I would recommend is stop dating/seeing this guy all together and if when he’s ready to be with you, he’ll get in touch with you. Tell him you’ll give him space to figure out what he wants and when he knows when that is, tell him to give you a call, even if its a negative response. So you can both get on with things and be friends, etc. And while you’re giving him space, don’t hang around. Go out and enjoy life and if someone comes along so be it, but if someone does come along, don’t let the other guy who you’ve given space to being your excuse to not seeing that person.

[Anonymous]

[quote=”crazed-driver”]Firstly I’ve got to say, (even though I don’t know you or never spoken to you before), he’s an extremly lucky guy. Having a woman that’s doing all the worrying/chasing and he’s not even 100% ready to be with you. Anyway back to your problem. Well I’m not 100% sure of what to do if I was you, so you’ll have to wait for April to post or more members. The only thing I would recommend is stop dating/seeing this guy all together and if when he’s ready to be with you, he’ll get in touch with you. Tell him you’ll give him space to figure out what he wants and when he knows when that is, tell him to give you a call, even if its a negative response. So you can both get on with things and be friends, etc. And while you’re giving him space, don’t hang around. Go out and enjoy life and if someone comes along so be it, but if someone does come along, don’t let the other guy who you’ve given space to being your excuse to not seeing that person.[/quote]

Thanks for the advice! He is a lucky guy- with everything Ive done for him, and the things I continue to do for him… only time will tell the answer. Oh and I’m a man by the way, just thought I should clarify that. Thanks again, its a complex situation, but you’re right, I need to give him space!

[Anonymous]

I have to completely agree with ‘crazed-driver’, give him some space. This is practically the same situation that I was in with my current boyfriend of a year. It was after 4 months of us being together that I found out my current boyfriend and his ex were still involved with each other. April has a great article on Ex-ediquette that I found really helpful. She explains that people keep in contact with their ex for themselves, not for the other person. In my case, his ex really wanted to get my boyfriend back and was using sex to keep him close. My boyfriend admitted to me that he was invovled with his ex and we seperated. It was SO hard. He understood why I didn’t want to see him and I had to aviod our mutual friends to keep the distance between us. At this point, I thought the relationship over and there was no chance of getting back together. But I was wrong. After three months of not contact (I got the occational text or drunk dial from him but I would ignore it), we ran into each other during a trip with mutual friends and everything started all over for us. My mindset was different as well. Since then, we have been much closer to each other and our relationship seems to have a lot more meaning for the both of us. Also, his ex is not involved anymore. But she does try to stay involved, recently she has behaved in harmful ways towards my boyfriend that infact surprised him. I find her behavior a way to get his attention, but I can’t be sure. Anyway, all the best.

[April Masini]

The three month mark in a relationship is exactly when you’ll know if he’s serious about you or not. At your three month mark he started pulling away, and that was your cue that he liked you enough to date, but not enough to get serious. That he went back to his ex-girlfriend was just a way for him to distance himself from you. The relationship he has with her is not really important. The fact that he has pulled away from you, however, is.

Don’t expect things from him that are unrealistic. If a man wants you, you’ll know it. He’ll make you feel special and introduce you to his friends and family as Ms. Right. He’ll be proud of you and want to chase you. This guy isn’t doing any of that, but you’re trying to wrap your head around why he doesn’t treat you the way he would if he was more interested. 😳

Time to buy and read Think & Date Like A Man! Seriously — you need to read this. It will help you a lot — so here’s the link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You’ll get so much advice on dating in here, you won’t waste time with a man who can’t make up his mind! 🙄 Rejection isn’t your enemy — it’s your friend because it lets you know that it’s time to go out there and find Mr. Right instead of spending more time on Mr. Wrong.

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go — I know this is tough for you.

And join me on Facebook! I’d love to see you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

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