Relationship in Limbo

I am 36 years old and have been dating a wonderful man for over 2 years. He owns a house 40 miles from where I live and work, so for the 2 years I visit him (started at a few times a week and has dwindled down to Saturday nights through Monday mornings). We talk everyday. When we are together things are wonderful, we could be classified as best friends who have awesome sex. He shows he loves me with his actions and care for me. We take vacations together, I’ve met all of his friends and family and he mine.

His marriage ended about a year before we met and it was particularly painful for him, in addition to that, he’s been in the process of trying to sell a business that has burdened him financially. So knowing this, I have been very lax as far as pursuing commitment. After all, everyone needs their space to get their lives on track…and he never let his life clean up affect the quality of our limited time together.

Here are my two issues: 1) He has never said to me that he loves me. To me it is odd considering that his persona is definately a deeply emotional, love everyone, relates to chick flicks type of individual..someone that speaks of connections and spirtuality and even how great our relationship is…but conversley there are no sentimental romantic overtures directly. Two years and not one “I love you”. [It wouldnt be fair if I didnt say that he as on occasion said”…that’s why you love me” or….”It’s okay, I’ll still love you”]

2) He does not seem to be concerned about our living arrangements. I’m not the harping type, but about once every 3-4 months I make it known that my goal in a relationship is to find my life ‘PARTNER” which would entail moving in together. I am getting ready to purchase my own house, and in this process he said ‘who knows, you may like it so much you will want to stay there forever’, to which I reiterated ‘Well, I hope not, I would think we would eventually live together. He replied ‘Oh of course, if our relationship is still as good in 2 or 3 years as it is now then we would definatly talk about co-habitating”. I did not pursue the topic, and let it slide as I usually do, but in my head I’m thinking TWO or THREE more YEARS???

I’m not sure what to do about this. He is so right for me in so many ways. But I sense he would be happy with our current arrangement forever (and this might be my fault for allowing a great relationship with all the space). No I love yous, no clear plan on when or if we will live together, and all of this reinforced with friends and family asking the “SO you guys moving in together soon?” and “SO when are you guys getting married?” questions. [One more note: I do not NEED to be married, but I sure would like to live with my life partner…not just date him forever.

I don’t harp on these topics with him because quite frankly I think he should be motivated by his hearts desire to say I love you or move in together. I would hate to think he would do either of these things not because he was moved by his own want, but because I forced him into a corner.