My Best Friend?

The only way things may change is if YOU change. If you continue doing and behaving the way you are, there’s no reason to believe she’ll change her feelings about you. However, if you can get over your embarrassment and face your fear of rejection, she may see you as a different kind of young man.

Women like men who are confident and make them feel good about themselves. If she likes to go to disco parties, then why don’t you go — for her? If you are going to put yourself ahead of her, you’re going to stay in this rut, but men who understand that sometimes you have to put the woman first, end up winning in relationships. If she knows you’re going to these disco parties for her, she may think more of you.

So my advice is that you start changing your own behavior and getting out of your comfort zone — and into hers.

Let me know how that works for you — and please join me on Facebook. I’d really like to have you as a member of AskApril.com on Facebook. Here’s the link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]. 🙂

Sorry, [b]crazed-driver[/b], but although I usually agree with you, this time I have to differ! 😉 She needs to see him doing things differently because the way she sees him now isn’t going to get him a date — or her attention as more than a friend. If she flirts at parties, and you don’t want him to go because it will make him sad 😯 , then I’d suggest that he’s going to become a victim of his own emotions and the guy who doesn’t get the girl. Again. And that’s not what I want for him.

What he feels when he sees her flirting with other guys is disappointment because she isn’t flirting with HIM! It’s not so much her behavior that is bumming him out, but the OBJECTS of her behavior. Use that disappointment (or if you want to call it sadness) as a catalyst to change behavior.

Although this isn’t a serious, life threatening problem, often people need to feel uncomfortable ENOUGH to change their own behavior. Ignoring uncomfortable situations or avoiding them or anesthetizing them to not feel that feeling that is a valuable tool, is a loss. If a guy loses enough girls, he may eventually want to do something about HIMSELF and HIS game, rather than sigh that all women dislike him. (Same for women, too!) The people who look in the mirror and say, today is the day I’m going to do things differently to improve my life, are the people who win — with women or otherwise! 🙂

Absolutely, he has to change his behavior. Women love men with confidence and direction. Facing fear and not being afraid to face rejection in life is actually sexy to women. He’s got to win her over by not being afraid to get shot down — but hopefully, he won’t be!

Women want a man who will take care of them — even if they are the most competent women in the world, the reality is they still want that knight in shining armor on a steed, riding in to take over. The more he (or you) or any guy can be that man isn’t afraid to try and win the woman over, the more luck he’ll have with that woman.

[b]Crazed-driver[/b], you have to see that getting out of your comfort zone is the only way to build self esteem and win with women. You seem very protective of this guy’s feelings, but it’s a lot more important for him to take action and not become a victim of his feelings.

Read Date Out of Your League (you, especially, will really benefit from it) to learn what women want and how to get and keep them! Here’s the link for that book: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url].

As long as you — or he — only does what makes you comfortable or happy, you’re never going to get the girl who is worth chasing and fighting battles for. Men love winning, but there is no win without a chase or a fight.

I hope that helps and that you’ll finally take my advice and read this book!

Please join me on Facebook, too. Here’s that link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

In response to your question, I meant feelings and location.

If you read Date Out of Your League, you’ll understand what it takes to get the girl and why winning her over is more important than feeling temporarily uncomfortable. In fact, the discomfort only comes from not having confidence to deal with different situations, and the only way to overcome that lack of confidence is to face those situations. 😀 Please buy this book! Here’s the link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]

I don’t think you buy into my premise that men chase women and feel great about themselves when they win them. If you did, you wouldn’t argue with me so much! This is the basis for my relationship advice and you’ll probably see it over and over again in this forum.

If this guy wants a woman and she frequents a disco, then it would serve him to show up at the disco and try to win her over. [i]You[/i] are very committed to a man feeling comfortable and you miss the point that being comfortable is not always part of man’s job. In fact, if he wants to win her over, he’s going to have to chase her, and that means occasionally stepping out of his comfort zone because he feels she is worth it — and more importantly, that win is important to him as a man.

Of course there will be mutual fun times and mutually agreed upon fun venues, but while a man is chasing a woman trying to win her over, he should do just that — go to the disco where he knows she will be and do his best to get her!

Giving them both “an opportunity to shine” 😕 is not what dating is about. If you read Date Out of Your League, as I’ve recommended to you over and over, you’ll understand how to get and keep a woman. Here’s the link: [url]http://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. Buy it. Read it. The questions you’re asking me will all be answered there as you understand better what my advice and success theory in dating is all about!