Relationship Advice Expert April Masini

Am I being disrespectful?

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  • August 19, 2010 at 8:00 pm #2870
    inlove2010
    Participant

    My girlfriend got upset and hurt about me staying up with a mutual girlfriend of ours, mainly because I made food and fed some to her. I explained to my girlfriend that I have NO interest in our friend, yet she finds our relationship (staying up late sometimes and me feeding her) inappropriate. I do agree that sometimes it can be inappropriate, yet I love my girlfriend and have no bad intentions with our friend and would never cheat on her. Is me feeding my friend food that huge of a deal? I was just doing it playfully and it seems my girlfriend thinks it indicates something else like I’m attracted to her. Please help!

    August 22, 2010 at 10:45 am #14837
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    You know, in relationships, you can be right or you can be happy. It may not be worth your being right about this academic issue of feeding other women, and proving your girlfriend wrong. If it upsets your girlfriend, and you care more about not upsetting your girlfriend than you do hanging out with other women, why not just compromise this time, and NOT hang out with the other woman or women so your girlfriend is happy with you.

    It doesn’t sound like the hanging out and feeding or eating with this other woman is that important to you, but being right is. Let go of your ego and make your life peaceful by giving in on this one. Consider it a gift.

    If on the other hand, this behavior you have that involves hanging out with other women and feeding them is more than just what it appears to be, and is, in fact, your attempt to regain more freedom from the relationship you have with your girlfriend, you’d do yourself a world of good to recognize that your relationship with your girlfriend is making you feel stifled, and you’re wanting more freedom and maybe even out.

    Let me know how that sits with you and what you decide to do. 🙂

    And join me on Facebook! Here’s that link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url].

    August 22, 2010 at 8:35 pm #15412
    crazed-driver
    Participant

    I sort of agree and disagree at the same time with April on this 😕. Do you mean feeding as in making her food or actually feeding her? If its making her food I think there’s nothing wrong with it and your girlfriend has some issues. So you need to talk to her, etc. If you’re actually feeding her then your version of playing around can be mistaken for love. So if you do that I suggest you STOP it if it upsets your girlfriend. If I read Aprils post right about not socialising with other women. Then I think she’s wrong as its more or less asking you to choose your girlfriend over your friend. Anyone that asks you to choose one over the other shouldn’t be and isn’t your true friend or girlfriend.

    August 23, 2010 at 1:31 am #14645
    inlove2010
    Participant

    I made food and actually, physically fed it to my friend. Also, I have stayed up late with my friend, till 5 am or later sometimes and this also concerns my girlfriend. The last time I stayed up with my friend she made a little pillow bed next to mine and stayed over. Nothing happened nor would it, yet this concerns my girlfriend too. She says it’s weird since my friend lives at the same apartment complex as me and could have gone to her place to sleep. In my mind, it’s not a big deal since there is nothing going on between my friend and me and it’s strictly friends hanging out. My girlfriend said all of these things, feeding my friend, staying up late with her, and her sleeping over are inappropriate. She hasn’t asked me to not hang out with my friend, but to just think about how I would feel if she were doing the same thing. I get it, just wanted another’s point of view. So thanks and I have not been having any late nights (or early mornings) with my friend since I do want to make my girlfriend happy.

    August 24, 2010 at 12:05 am #15517
    April Masini
    Keymaster

    I’m glad you made a decision that works for you! 🙂 It sounds like you get it.

    What you may not understand is that feeding a woman food can have a sexual undertone. There are lots of movies where you’ll notice that eating and feeding each other are sensual acts that are like foreplay to sex. Check out either Nine 1/2 Weeks or the movie, Tom Jones for famous food/sex scenes. The same is true of sleeping next to each other — however platonically you may think it is. The reality is that there is often a sexual current between men and women sleeping together or near each other. Most people recognize this, but you, my friend, need this little explanation which I’m more than happy to offer! 🙂 For some fun, rent an old Frank Capra movie called It Happened One Night where there is a famous scene between Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert who are in very old school pajamas, in separate beds, with a sheet hung between the two — and yet the sexual tension is high. The comedy comes because what should be platonic, is clearly sexual.

    Your girlfriend understands this sexual current that you may not understand or feel — but that doesn’t mean the other woman doesn’t understand or feel it or that you won’t at some point. To protect your relationship with your girlfriend, keeping your buddy activities with other female buddies even more platonic than they have been is probably a small price to pay.

    Hey, join me on Facebook! I didn’t see you there. Please come on over. Here’s that link: [url]http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=110265355684755&ref=mf[/url]

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