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# April Masini

## Sitemaps
[XML Sitemap](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/sitemap_index.xml): Includes all crawlable and indexable pages.

## Posts
- [No More Sex in My Marriage](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/no-more-sex-marriage-best-tips-women-sexual-life/): Dear April,
- [Caught Boyfriend on Dating Site](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-dating-site-women-exclusivity-boundaries-tips/): Dear April,
- [Love, Jealousy, Regret, and Healing](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/love-jealousy-regret-healing-abuse-trust-personal-growth/): Dear April,
- [Intense Chemistry, Uncertain Future](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/intense-chemistry-advice-women-date-mothers/): Dear April,
- [Messy Love Triangle](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/love-triangle-trust-commitment-relationship-dating-tips/): Dear April,
- [Love Life is Stuck Because of his Divorce](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/love-life-stuck-divorce-commitment-married/): Dear April,
- [Bride of a Blended Family](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/bride-blended-family-expert-tips-love-dynamics/): Dear April,
- [Confess my Feelings or Ghost](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/confess-feelings-ghost-love-jealousy-emotions-dating-tips/): Dear April,
- [Husband Obsessed with Work](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/husband-obsessed-tips-women-feeling-partners/): ’ve been married for 5 years, together for 10, and when my husband got a job promotion, I quit my job to be home with the kids, since what I made literally just paid the sitter. But now, he works 7 am to 10 pm everyday except for one day a week — in which he sleeps. Even when he isn’t scheduled to work those hours he works them because he doesn’t want everything to fall apart in his department. He complains he misses me and the kids but when is home and not sleeping he is talking about work or talking to employees on the phone. He ignores me until we get to bed, no matter how tired he says he is, he is all over me. I feel like I am here to pleasure him just so he can get through the next day and make him food. I have had to go through 3 birthday parties, 1 wedding, 2 family get togethers for his family 1 death on my side and a miscarriage in the 3 months since this started ALONE. I feel like a single mother right now. My poor son just wants to learn how to play baseball but his dad is never home. My daughter bawls every morning when he leaves. I want so badly to support him but I can’t sit back and keep telling the kids why they don’t see their dad. I don’t want to lose him Help!
- [Boyfriend is Lazy and not Putting in Effort](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-lazy-dating-stratetigies/): Signed,Boyfriend is Lazy
- [Boyfriend won’t commit despite being pregnant for him](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-commit-pregnant-expert-advice-dating-tips/): Dear April,
- [Messy Love Triangle](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/lovers-roommates-dating-tips-rekindle-romance-intimacy/): Dear April,
- [Feeling Lonely While Married](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/feeling-lonely-married-best-tips-women-husband/): Dear April,
- [Boyfriend in Secret Contact with His Ex](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-secret-ex-love-tips/): Dear April,
- [Sex is Complicating My Relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/sex-complicating-relationship-advice-for-women-intimacy-connection/): Dear April,
- [Richer Than My Boyfriend](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/1-advice-for-women-who-are-more-successful-than-their-boyfriends/): Dear April,
- [Lied About My Age](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/lied-age-expert-advice-on-honesty-trust-relationship-secretes/): Dear April,
- [Date Ghosted, Now Freaking Out About Aids.](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/first-date-ghosted-advice-to-know-dating-tips/): Dear April,
- [Husband Addicted To Sex](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/husband-addicted-sex-best-dating-tips-intimacy/): Dear April,
- [Got Caught Cheating. Can I Fix This?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/caught-cheating-expert-tips-rebuilding-trust/): Dear April,
- [Boyfriend Wanna Take Relationship Slow After 13 Years](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-relationship-what-men-want/): Dear April,
- [Not Sure Boyfriend Likes Me](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-likes-dating-secretes/): Dear April,
- [Boyfriend Doesn’t Want Baby, But I Do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-baby-dating-tips/): Hi April,
- [I’m Shy During Sex](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/sex-shy-top-tips-confident-bed/): Dear April,
- [Boyfriend Still Loves EX](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/boyfriend-loves-ex-relationship-dating-tips/): Dear April,

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- [Ask April LIVE](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/ask-april-live-relationship-advice-expert-april-masini/): Ask April LIVE #1 Most Trusted Dating Tips Relationship Advice Expert April Masini 0:00 / 0:00 #1 Dating Tips for Men is to find happiness in themselves first. Advises relationship advice expert April Masini. 0:00 / 0:00 Advice for Women, years invested is not a reason to stay! Dating expert April Masini warns 0:00 / 0:00 Truth about sex on first date. April Masini dating advice expert tells you. 0:00 / 0:00 Flirt with your man. Dating expert April Masini advises women. 0:00 / 0:00 #1 Advice, beaten yourself up does more damage . Relationship advice expert April Masini. 0:00 / 0:00 #1 dating tips for men, your fear of rejection isn’t real. Explained relationship advice expert April Masini. 0:00 / 0:00 If you always attract the wrong type. Dating expert April Masini says it's because. 0:00 / 0:00 #1 Advice for women, men want women who inspire them. Responded April Masini relationship advice expert. 0:00 / 0:00 Proven and tested formula to ask women out. April Masini shared best dating tips. 0:00 / 0:00 Top dating tips, ask why questions. Says Ask April Masini relationship advice expert. 0:00 / 0:00 #1 dating tips, always ask, am I getting what I want? Says relationship advice expert april masini. 0:00 / 0:00 Loving yourself makes you more attractive. Dating advice expert April Masini says.
- [ASK APRIL Advice Column](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/ask-april-masini-advice-column-relationship-dating-expert/): Ask April Advice ColumnRelationship Advice Expert April Masini
- [Relationship Advice Expert April Masini](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/): Ask April Relationship Advice Forum, with 400,000 members, was created and is sponsored in its entirety by April to provide help and hope to anyone who needs it — at no cost.

## 
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- [the elite](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=44063): elite test
- [tv](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=44047): vt
- [newapril](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=44034): april
- [askapril](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=44033): ask
- [newform](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=44031): testing character
- [[Private] I feel so bored and alone in this relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8322): At first I was not attracted to my BF. I kept putting off making the relationship official because I was still looking. He has many good qualities but I am constantly conflicted about the relationship and my happiness. I am his 1st sex partner. Our sex life is amazing, he has a great job, comes from a great family, we have the same religious beliefs, and we have the same morals. I live on my own. He bought his house 9 months ago & fully furnished it, but will not move in. It is a 2 min drive from is parents house. We barely go on dates. I feel like I am inconveniencing him when I ask him to go somewhere. Anytime we go out with other couples or I ask him to go somewhere with me, the first thing is says is "how long are we staying? He has an exact bedtime he follows, even if he doesnt have to work the next day. He won't stay the night with me. He only stays at my house for a maximum of 2 hours. On Friday nights, he leaves early so he can go to bed for no reason & then I sit alone for the rest of the night. He has never had a GF before me & I know there are no other girls talking to him. He also has issues driving somewhere that is more than 15 minutes away. I told him that if he wants a girl to drive him around, then he can find another GF that will. I know that his mother is mentally ill but she has her husband. I feel like I am always alone in this relationship. It's not exciting and I feel like chemistry is lacking. But its so hard to find a guy with the same morals as me. There are a lot of guys that showed interest in me and I have flirted with other guys. He said that as soon as he moves into his house, that we can spend nights together, yet he won't move in. He says he loves me but I am sick of the same routine, which is he comes over, we have lots of sex, then we watch tv for an hour, & then he leaves & I'm alone. We do talk & text all day long. If I ask him to go anywhere, I feel like hes dragging his feet. Something is lacking.
- [[Private] Confused about what he wants](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8329): I started my job July 30th. 1 of my coworkers was married but attracted to me. 2 months in he tells me hes getting divorced (he initiated) A few weeks later we start texting everyday. We have so much in common its scary. He was head over heels & even offered to drive 4 hours to help me w/ my remodel. I moved for the job but my house wasnt done. We met up twice outside of work & had a great time. The next time we had sex. He didnt treat me any different. We met up once more & around then he started to pull away (end of Dec) We agreed in the beginning that neither was looking for anything serious (I had a BF but NOT happy) However he seemed conflicted like he wanted something but shouldnt get in a relationship right away. This was his 2nd divorce. He went right from his 1st wife to his 2nd. When he was pulling away he acted pretty much the same towards me but just texted less. I figured he needed space w/ the circumstances. Everytime I drove to WI he always wanted to make sure I made it safely. Even when he started pulling away. End of Feb I went back to WI. He asked me to pick up WI beer. I said I can bring it to work or he can come to my new place (I broke up w/ my BF I was temp staying w/) He said hell pick it up. This happened 3-4 times but he didnt schedule. Even when he brought it up. His divorce finalized 1st week of April. He started coming back to what we’d had a bit & even said he wants to come over when he can spend quality time. I texted him 2 dates that work a couple weeks ago. We worked 1 on 1 this week & right away he brings it up & said the 30th works. Theres always been a magnetism between us. He still genuinely tells me to be safe when I go home & has always asked questions to get to know me. Hes defended me at work. Even from harmless teasing. We kiss at work when we can. We rarely text but he always replies. Im confused if he wants something & I saw hes on Match. Idk if hes afraid, thinks I dont want anything, knows I dont have much free time right now or Ive held too much back that hes not sure about me? Should I tell him how I feel? How do I tell him w/out scaring him or rejecting me if hes not quite sure yet?
- [[Private] Very confused, hurt, scared](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8328): Hi April,
- [[Standard] Should I stay in relationship with fiance who blocked me on facebook](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8327): I was with Colombian girlfriend for five years and engaged over a year. I paid her bills for three years so she could attend school full time to learn English and I learned English to communicate with her.
- [[Standard] Stuck in a loop](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8326): So about three years ago I dated this guy. I liked him for a while and eventually we got together. He was a good boyfriend but I ended things.I think I was too young and I was afraid, maybe? But over the years our paths have crossed a little bit but nothing major. However, recently we had started talking again and even made plans to see one another. I didn't expect much but that night we spent HOURs together and it just felt normal. It would have been nice to keep things that way and remain friends but things progressed. It all made me feel a certain way about him. I could have sworn he felt something too but he said he wasn't looking for a relationship. Which to be honest, I wasn't either. I don't know if that means he doesn't have any type of feeling at all. But I never told him how I felt either so how is he supposed to know how I feel? Now I feel like he's losing interest in me and the friendship entirely. A lot is going on in his life right now so he is very busy. I'm not sure if he's just very occupied with that or if he's just not too interested in moving forward with me in his life. So I'm wondering was it even a good idea to begin with to enter into each other's lives with all of the history we had? Should I give him his space as he is very busy or decide to walk away? I felt something with him and I feel as though we have something between us.I want him to be happy, even if it's not with me in his life. I still feel guilty for breaking his heart years ago. I feel like I let someone go that was very special years ago and now it's too late to bring back. But I'm scared of ruining this opportunity incase this is my redemption. I'm stuck.
- [[Standard] Will she forgive me?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8325): I've made the biggest mistake of my life and i can't forgive myself.
- [[Standard] Is it okay to give a guy my blessing to date my soon to be ex wife?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8324): Hello, my name is Daniel. A little context for the situation; my wife and I have been separated for over 3 weeks now. We still live together and are headed for divorce. My wife has been hanging out with her single friends once a twice a month for a while now. She has a guy friend who has given her attention. Attention I don't really give her anymore. Before I continue, be aware this has nothing to do with why we are getting divorced. But since we've been separated, she's been talking to him more. She admitted to me she has feelings for him. I personally know the guy. He's a great guy and respectful (may not seem that way because of the attention he's given her knowing she's married) in the sense that he hasn't made unwanted advances or gestures. He knows she's married to me and didn't want to be the cause of our divorce.
- [[Private] Affair advice](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8323): Hi April,
- [[Standard] What to expect?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8321): Joe and I have been dating for 7 years. crazy because we’re young! after our graduation we moved in together. that’s when we started having relationship issues regarding communication and intimacy. I have a condition that makes sex painful (making this hard.) We worked on it for a long time. decided to not live together anymore, soon after he told he couldn’t continue because of the stress. he told me our door wasn’t ever closed &that we would talk it through when i was ready. it was heartbreaking. After a bit of healing&learning I sent him a message to talk. it was a wonderful talk. we continued our relationship moving forward. it’s been 6 months since! we took a huge step back since we’re so young and the relationship is just fun, casual & we know there’s a end goal to be together.
we’ve also made huge progress with sex!
bout a month ago i had a rough day. joe was hanging out w his friends, it really upset me that he wasn’t going to do anything about it to help in the moment. overall i was being stubborn. i really upset him by doing this. the problem is that this was an issue in the past &even though i fixed it then, joe built resentment causing the breakup
he is ALSO stressed with work (he just got a new job, doesn’t start yet) he is stressed w his roommates, all the housework, his dog &behavioral issues, etc. he never really has handled stress well..
the other day he told me he is worried about us (same issue in the past) he told me he’s stuck at what to do because he’s wishy washy, but he wants to be with me, he’s happy with us but he’s under stress &isn’t sure what he wants in life?i told him to take a week and do his own thing to reground himself. the past breakup seemed to help give him space to be alone and with his own thoughts. hopefully he realizes that he’s just stressed &overwhelemd. but what if the friend thing is hurting him still? i don’t know what to expect when we talk? i want it to work. what do you think?
- [[Standard] Am I the other woman or potentially more?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8320): He loves me and we have been together for almost a year seeing each other almost everyday almost all night and texting all day and night. Even took trips together. It almost is a fully committed relationship except that he lives with his girlfriend of 4 years (most of it was long distance until she moved counties and quit her job to be with him) she wants to get married but he refuses to because he says he’s not ready. I don’t know how he justified all the nights he’s missing and trips he takes and hickeys. He said he tried to break up with her but she won’t listen and let him go. She loves him like no one else and that he cannot kick her out on the street since she has no money, friends and her contract will finish in July and she can either go home or be extended in which case she will move out but until then he cannot change the situation. I know he respects her a lot and he said he’s only said I love you to her and me in his life. He doesn’t know what to do either. Maybe he can’t decide between the two of us? Like she provide him with something I can’t and I provide something she can’t? What does this mean? He also firmly believes that if he doesn’t say something it’s not considered lying. Getting information out of him is very difficult and I have to beg him almost and sound like a psycho stalker to get anything. Asking specific questions or else he won’t share. I love him despite the difficulties and I want to understand where this comes from.. why is he dragging this out and what does this mean?
- [[Private] So Many Questions](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8319): Reaching out looking for some advice. Let me give you some back story. I am in love with a person who is a more than 20 years younger than me. As complicated as that can be, there are some additional aspects. I have known this person for their whole life, and our families have been very close since I was a very young child. To add another twist, this is a same sex relationship, and they are open, and I am not.
- [[RUSH!] The girl I love thinks I betrayed her because I responded to a text from a girl that I don’t have any feelings f](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8318): I didn't see the character max until after i spent two hours writing my question which is about 7x greater than the max. There is no way I can describe what happened with the relevant background in 2200 characters. Could I email it to you? i understand if this requires an additional cost.
- [[Private] Is it possible this guy has real feelings for me? Should I ask directly?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8317): I’m a 21-year-old student. 3 years ago I met Alex. We were FWB, but with feelings we both tried to ignore. I fell too hard & was hurt because while we were hooking up he claimed he didn’t want a relationship, was afraid of commitment, etc. Finally he ended it b/c he felt bad leading me on. However, he once got drunk and said he loved me, & when he ended it he got teary & said he had no idea this would be so emotional for him. So I think he had more feelings than he let on. We stopped speaking for 3 years. I moved on, had another bf, cut Alex out of my life and never contacted him.
- [[Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8315): I have been with my bf for 6 years. We have been broken up since a couple of months ago. Since we've been broken up when I left him alone he contacted me again every day and it was like we never broke up. I would try to figure out when his class got out so on my way to class I could bump into him just so I could speak to him. I followed him while he was with another girl. I left him alone after that, I knew what I did was wrong. Leaving him alone I was doing good with the space for myself. Then I started doing pop ups at his apartment which he hates anyone doing that. I did this 3 times last year. Then I messed up on a trip I desperately missed him so I knocked on his door for 30 min. He didnt want to talk to me we couldn't be friends everything. I left him alone after that and during Christmas break I dealt with myself. I didnt try to contact him didnt try to see him nothing. We were warming back up to each other and a few days ago I wanted to tell him something I felt was important. I popped up at his place he was so angry with me to where he kicked me out. The same night he blocked me from everything so now I can't contact him at all. When we talked the next day he said that was the last straw for him. He wanted to be with me and get back together with me and everything but my actions were to much. I asked him what could I do to get him to forgive me for all of the damage done, and he said he didnt know. I would have to figure it out. It's a lot of damage and words aren't going to fix what has happened. If I want something to come back for him I have to show it through my actions, because he isn't going to accept my words. It would have to be something big to have him say wow she changed. When I got off the shuttle the day after this happened I didn't realize he got on the shuttle. When I looked back he was staring at me going inside of the building. I don't know what to do and I am scared I've lost him for good. This was 6 years and I don't want to lose him.
- [[Private] Really just friends??](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8316): However, whenever he has a few drinks he becomes much more open. He kisses me, holds me and becomes more vocal sexually. While he tells me he loves me when he's sober it has a friend feel. When he's drinking he says it with a serious voice and demeanor. And I do reciprocate everything. But the next day he "can't remember what happened". I finally asked him point blank if he wanted to have sex with me. His response of "no" came so fast it surprised me. I laughed and said "ok just thought I would ask". We talked later and he explained that it wasn't because I wasn't absolutely beautiful but because he had sex with friends before and it didn't turn out well. That I was too important to him; that he doesn't want to lose me. I understood. I don't want to lose him either.
- [[Private] Complications on my relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8314): Hi, Im rheyl.
Me & my bf have a prob: the ex-wife.they dont have a kid & when we were just in the early times of our relationship she is trying her best to get him back.she always remained in close proximity. She would have a post of my bf's pic on her social media account telling every1 that he is her saviour bff and she would always love him. then she sent me a pic of her "office table" with a pic of her him & his mom. she would butt in to our conversation only talking to him even when he said im talking to my gf, & she would still do same things. I always felt that she never respected me as a person or as his gf and the boundaries of this relationship. My bf & her mom always asks me to be patient cuz she helped him at one point of his life & she has no other friends or family. There was even a time that she called my boyfriend at like 2am.what's odd is she is on a date & reason she called my bf is 2 ask him for help is becuz her current bf is stupid. for me its just not normal! I feel that she is doing her best to be in his life & it is stressing the hell out of me. I talked to my boyfriend about it told him how i felt. And he feels like its all drama for girls. I got angry! And now i feel this is putting a big conflict on us. He blocked her already but she always contact his mom.His mom would feel sorry for her cuz she's alone & doesnt have anyone & would ask me for more patience until she can find herself a new life. But i have a feeling deep inside she is just using it always as an excuse to keep tabs on us. I feel that she wont ever go away! I feel disrespected by this person and me and my bf are always arguing becuz of this! Am i overreacting? My bf always tell me Im the one who matters to him, and even wants to have a baby with me. He said she doesn't matter & all it is is becuz her mom feels they need to help her. I dont really want her in our lives. I dont know how to deal with it i have never been in this situation ever b4. I am torn between my love for him and making our relationship work and protecting my feelings. I hope you can give me some advice and help me through this situation thank you.
- [[Standard] Don’t know if I (F, 20) should pursue a romantic relationship with guy friend/co-worker (M21) bc I am feeling](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8313): My guy friend and I both like each other. Though I'd love to go out with him and be more than friends (we've only known each other for 2 months), I am worried that he might have unhidden feelings for a former crush/fellow co-worker. She's our shift supervisor and has a boyfriend. He admitted that he had a crush on her a year ago when I asked him, but she had a bf at the time. Sure, he may say that he's over her, but I have this feeling that he doesn't. If he sees her all the time at work, how can those feelings just go away? They also meet up for drinks with other co-workers after work, too. If she were to be single, wouldn't he try to pursue a romantic relationship with her then? A scarier thought is if she liked him as well.
- [[Private] She reached out](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8312): Also, on another note. Ive got concert tickets for next Wednesday and can't find anyone that can go (got them with the intention of taking ex and didnt work out). 5 years ago I went with a M friend and his F friend to see the same band. I haven't talked to her since then, but would it be weird to message her and ask?
- [[Private] My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his sister](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8311): My boyfriend of 10 years, will not take any photos of me or with me. He actually argues not to. This started a couple years ago on social media. I do not have social media anymore, and his behavior is the same. However, he has hundreds of pictures of him and his sister. She takes them and puts them on social media. The one time I mentioned it was weird he jumped down my throat, then made a picture of his sister and him his Facebook profile picture and said it’s funny that it probably pisses me off. He won’t smile in pictures with me. We have 2 children together and I have no family pictures to show them when they get older. Should I be worried about this? He also vents about our relationship to his sister, who does not speak to me, and when I asked him not to he told me no way. Am I at a moot point? I really don’t feel these are normal things. I’m not sure what to do.
- [[Standard] Not 100% sure where I stand with this girl](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8310): So I've been working with this girl for almost a year now and we have become extremely close. When we first started together, I was in an unhappy marriage and am now going through separation & divorce. She is also in a relationship of 10 years but he just wants to travel while she is ready to settle down to do the house and kids thing. She's told me that once everything is settled and I get my house back that I need to have a party as she wants to come over and have a few drinks. She always points out our similarities and of late has started specifically comparing me to her partner in the fact that I know her too well and "just understand & get her" compared to him. We are best friends on snapchat even though her partner has it and she also insisted I add her on Facebook & Messenger when I told her my wife was not accepting the fact I was leaving her (as she knows I wasn't allowed to have female friends in real life or social media). She always sends me funny stuff through messenger even though she has shared them on facebook and knows I would see it there. A few people have told us we're cute together and when we go out to get lunch people always assume we're together and don't want to pay separately. I've always assumed this meant people observed a good chemistry between us. We also go away as a part of our work so we spend a lot of time together having dinners & drinks. On our most recent outing, she was instigating a lot of touching and at one point I even noticed her ever so gently bumping her butt into mine while enjoying the live band. While walking to our rooms, I had a sudden urge to put my arm around her waist and as I did that she did the same to me and pulled in tight while walking side by side the whole way back. While it may seem like a sure thing, I don't normally get much attention from girls, let alone the pretty ones as I'm quite a shy guy and don't normally put myself out there so this is quite an odd occurrence for me.
- [[Private] Can’t figure out this woman](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8309): I have known this woman for 20+ years. And I have worked with her husband for 20+ years. The husband went off the rails. Meet an old high school GF. For the past year they have been living together. I'm a part time fishing guide. He has gotten me to take him and new GF and her kids fishing a few times. I really felt uncomfortable. 2 weeks ago I ran into his soon to be ex wife. We exchanged phone numbers. We have talked/ text everyday since. Now I'm taking her fishing Saturday. Then next week she is attending a huge cookout I'm having. Both she and husband in the past have attended. But husband will not be there. I don't know how to take her. I have always thought she was beautiful. And since I have gotten to know her she is more beautiful than I imagined. But in the last couple of days I have detected a slight difference in her. Up till now it was constant contact. Now I have to contact her first. All plans are still on. Also there is the age difference. And I feel like I look 67 and she 27. Although I'm 57 and she 50. And I never thought I would ever be so interested in a woman. She's constantly on my mind and I don't want to scare her away. I would like this to develop into something more. She is absolutely through with the husband. He hasn't spoken to me in over 3 months. Not because of this. But he's not talking to anyone at work. He has even bought another house with the GF. Please help. Is there anything I can do to get this moving forward. I feel like a high school kid asking advice.
- [[Standard] Family Undermining](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8308): My bf's family seemed very supportive at first. Recently that changed. One brother recently said we are up each other's rear end too much, meaning we spend too much time together or care about each other too much. He also mentioned that he was changing (not at my request), stating he was decreasing his nicotine (vape) level. I did not take it personal, although he stated he didn't "like" me for those reasons. I don't really believe the reasons are about me. Every mention of my name to one of his female cousins (same age and are close) causes her to do an eye roll and say something snarky. It seems at every turn they are discouraging about our relationship with no concrete reasons except they don't think we will last or I am going to break his heart. He was heartbroken and went through a bout of depression when his last GF cheated on him. My family is the exact opposite, they have done nothing but support us. He has stood up to them own his own. The undermining mostly comes his female cousin as they are going to the same college. She states it is because she wants him to get out from under the thumb of his immediate family and grow up and make his own decisions. I just think she wants someone to party with and go out with. They both have mentioned multiple times how alike they are, but in reality they are not. He even mentions how her behavior can be very offensive. I feel she may be the most detrimental or influential. We have a very open, communicative relationship and we both know that we have to work together to make this work though these years. My question: Is there a way to get them to stop? I fear the constant undermining will negatively affect our relationship. I feel as though he will eventually end it because he won't be able to handle the stress from his family. I would never ask him to alienate any of them either.
- [[RUSH!] hurt, heartbroken and confused](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8307): We met almost everyday and had sex multiple times a day every day of the week and spending the night over. I get a text from her where she tells me she really likes me and she wants to be with me everyday but if its best that we slow it down and not see each other that often. I told her that i understand and respected her choice. The same day she ask me over just to hang. We talk for an hour and i leave. The next day she ask me if i wanted to spend the whole day with her. I took it slow the first week and then it seemed like it was back on like normal. She asked me to open more up and not be so stiff towards her. She told me it was better to give it my all then to regret it later, so i did.
- [[Private] Soulmate who crushed my heart](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8306): My childhood crush and myself have liked each other since we were 7. When I left my ex we started an LDR and he’ll be back by Sept. We chatted for 2 months and we had agreed on exclusivity. He was very sweet and caring. He didnt like that I go to pole dance classes if one day I danced in public. I didnt like that his passion was pyrotechnics and that he smoked weed. But we were so into each other. When he came to visit met him at 1 am after he landed. We had sex that first night. But he struck me as being very adamant about his ways. He told me he will never quit fireworks even if I didnt like it. He told me nxt day he’d be going to see his friends and pyrotechnics when he’d said he wouldn’t. He exuded a sense of hedonism and irresponsibility and lack of credibility. I acted on first instinct and told him nxt day that maybe we’re not right for each other. For his whole trip he was busy with things and barely spoke to me. We made up, but he spent all his time with his friends. He never met to talk, spend time or text. I had no idea where he was or what he was up to. I told him I missed him and he blamed me. We ended up breaking up. 2 days later a 22 year old girl tagged him on FB having lunch with him. I texted about how sad I was how things ended. I was very hurt. He found time for everyone, just not for me. He replied that If I communicated more it wouldn’t be like this! I’ve to point out that I repeatedly asked him to meet to talk but he nvr did. Same day he was leaving he asked me If I had time to meet. I agreed. He gave me a lot of excuses about what happened. Asking him about the 22 year old he couldn’t meet my eyes and dismissed it. We patched things up. He said he wasnt happy as we couldve spent so much time together! I accepted some of the fault. Next day I saw 2 pics on FB both by the same girl. He denied it and begged me not to jump to conclusions but I ended it. I unfriended him from FB; she was leaving him flirty comments. Why didn’t he find time for me then said he needed to see me on his LAST DAY? Why did he want to keep our relationship? Why cheat? I still have feelings for him and miss him. Cant shake the feeling that this was somehow my fault.
- [[Private] Friend Zoned and maybe lost her now](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8305): Hi April,
- [[Standard] The infamous line – We need to talk!](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8304): Hi everyone,
- [[Standard] Is this break a good thing](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8303): Hi,
I a great guy a year ago, we hit it off, we had great chemistry, texting all the time, talking on the phone, had really fun dates. I was just out of Ltr relationship and wanted to go slow, but after four months he needed a break. He had stress with work and felt I needed more time before I could be in a serious relationship again. We didn’t talk for a few months and started communication in November. We did meet up for one a drink and it went fine, then a few weeks later dinner and at the end he kissed me. For December and January we would hang out occasionally and each time we would kiss. At the beginning of February he said he wanted to try again. Things started good and seemed to be going well, but a month ago he started to pull back a bit. He said he was frustrated that his feelings were at the same place mine where, that he felt pressured to be there and it was overwhelming. When we restarted I still had a lot of feelings for him and he was sort of starting over. He decided a week ago that it wasn’t working for him and he needed a break. We decided to not talk for a month and then see what happens. I feel he has feelings for me still and some separation would allow the feelings of frustration, pressure and being overwhelmed to pass. We talked if we do start again it would be from the beginning, we would communicate better. I’m wondering if we can start again or is it better for me to move on. I still really like him and would want to make something work. But I’m not sure what to do next.
- [[RUSH!] Love Triangle](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8302): I went out drinking with friends. Robert and I have been flirting since we met a couple months ago, but we aren’t dating yet. The others started fighting so Robert and I went and talked for hours and he ended up kissing me. that’s all we did.
- [[Private] Was he really serious about me?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8301): I met this guy on a dating app and he was very quick to ask me out. On our first date he stated he was in a few long-term relationships which ended because of long-distance. He said now that he's permanently posted here he was ready to date again with marriage in mind. However in our conversation he also mentioned a story about his friend who dated multiple girls at the same time which made me feel uneasy.
- [[Standard] This is really making my mind go crazy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8300): I have been dating a girl for about 6 weeks. Feels like everything is going great. But i notice a few times a week she will completely disappear/drop off the earth all day long then around 8pm text/call me like she is really happy to end her day talking to me . Like one day last week we chatted briefly in the morning...said good morning and such. I knew she had to help someone so i asked how it was going a and she didnt respond until 8 pm almost 12 hours later and didnt miss a beat about how happy she was to talk to me? This happens once or twice a week and i dont know why. But when we talk or when were together everything is great. What should i do? Should i bring it up or let it ride out to see what happens? I dont want to come across as suddenly creepy but we have already decided to officially be bf/gf and it bothers me she disappears like this. I notice when we are together though her phone is always within an arms reach which is also why this bothers me. We dont talk alot during the day normally because we both work but she works works from home and then goes out to meet clients so its not like she has a job that she isnt allowed to touch her phone. What bothers me most is when the conversation just drops at one of my comments/questions or if i send a "hows your day going" text and dont get a reply for 12 hours. We have such a great thing when were together but then this completely drop of the earth thing is weirding me out more than anything ive ever run into dating. Sorry if this is kind of jumbled i am typing it out as i chew it over in my head.
- [[Standard] Did I stuff it up already?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8299): I wasn’t looking for anything and met this guy. We got along so well. Over 1.5wks, we hung out 5 times, he asked me to meet his parents & was telling me how much he liked me. He went to US for 5 wks. While he was away, we chatted & he told me how much he missed me. I do like him, but I am petrified of getting my heartbroken again. I needed reassurance. He would tell me that he isn’t going to hurt me. He wanted to meet my mum. He told me how much he liked me and he had never met anyone like me. He said he wanted to make me his gf when he got back. He got back this wk, we spent some time together, it was great, I don’t think we could wipe the smileof our faces, there is definitely something special between us. He has never had a gf before or taken anyone home - he has a twin sister & told me that I remind him of her in a good way. When we hung out I started to feel flustered. He hasn’t given me any reason to think that, it’s my past experiences causing me to believe that. It’s like he is too good to be true and I was waiting for something bad to happen. He called me the following morning & we were working out when he should meet Mum. I became flustered, I felt pressured & said ‘maybe it’s just easier, if we end things’. I didnt think it was fair on him that I was scared. I realised I made a mistake & called to apologise but he didn’t want to continue. The next day I sent him a msg apologising & telling him that I do like him a lot and I want to prove that. I do feel like things moved fast, meeting his parents in the first 2 wks & him going US for 5 wks. He replied to the message saying that he couldn’t do it & that he does really like me but he doesn’t want something that is so hard. I get that, this has opened up my eyes & I want a 2nd chance to show him that I want to completely invest myself, he is worth it. I haven’t replied to his last msg. I want to prove that more trust will build when we spend more time together.
- [[RUSH!] Long-time friend – not sure about his feelings or what to do next…?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8298): I met him through a college club. We hung out regularly with a group of friends. I had feelings for him, and got mixed signals. He would talk about other girls and such. We joked with eachother a lot. At the same time, we would get touchy-feely; hugs, backing me into walls, holding hands, tickling, wrestling, lying together. He moved a few years later and we lost touch.
- [[RUSH!] Surprise 5 day trip to Vegas without me](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8297): Her previous bf was abusive and extremely controlling. I've been careful helping her deal with the past abuse and avoiding any appearance of being controlling. Due to the bf she lost custody of her 2 children, now 13 and 17. She's spent a lot of time the past 15 months in her hometown (a 5 hour drive) trying to regain custody. I've been paying her large expenses and haven't taken a true vacation in over three years.
She tells me 2 weeks ago she's taking a 5-day trip to Las Vegas for a "bridal shower" for an old friend. I initially did not say much, not wanting to come across as "controlling". - I don't know the bride or any others on this trip. I do know friends from her hometown have unsavory pasts and my gf managed to get in some serious legal trouble with them in her early 20s.
- My gf is expecting me to pick up her costs for a nice room at the Palms, and all her other expenses for the trip. By staying 5 days, costs will end up being 2-3 times more expensive than if they'd just paid slightly higher air fares for a weekend. - The 5-day "bridal shower" sounds sketchy. Most bridal showers I've known involved a restaurant or someone's house for a few hours to open gifts and some "adult" party favors, not 5 days in Vegas. - She used to work as a stripper, including one stint in Vegas. For several years she definitely fit the stereotype- hard partying, with alcohol, sex and drugs thrown into the mix. A number of her hometown friends were part of her sex industry and hard partying days. The mixture of old friends, alcohol and her old stomping grounds, along with her lack of candor, just seems like a lit match looking for a can of gasoline.
Is the problematic handwriting already on the wall in bold print or am I overreacting?
One thought was to tell her I'll only fund the trip if I can with her. If I was on the trip I'd be ok stepping aside on occasion for her to spend some girls only time either at a dinner or maybe even a show or a little dancing. But 5 days of this 24/7, on my dime seems way over the line. Is this a legitimate option to present or is it destined to label me a "control freak" with trust issues?
- [[Private] Help on a confusing situation!](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8296): I met this guy by chance when I was visiting LA last year - basically was standing in for a friend at a meeting (not date) she wasn't able to make. We hit it off at our first meeting, and he nicely offered to take a hike with me the next day, during which we spent about 3-4 hours just chatting and getting on really well. After I got back home to Singapore, we exchanged a few friendly texts via whatsapp but nothing too serious past friendship zone. On my next visit to LA about 6 months later, we met up and spent a couple of hours catching up (I was there for work, so didn't have much down time to hang out). At that time, we talked about our dating lives and (lack of) serious relationships at that point. Again, after I got home, we exchanged a few texts here and there but nothing constant. Fast forward to another 4-5 months later, I knew I was gonna be in LA again for work, and I wanted to take a couple of days off after that for a personal holiday. Now he was really excited when I told him that, and there was some casual flirting going on over whatsapp, plus he said a couple of times he was looking forward to seeing me. We hung out about 3-4 days while I was in LA, basically long whole-day dates - he planned and wanted to take me to places. The 1st night after we met up, we had a chat in which he said he was interested in me, but he wasn't sure whether I was interested in him - turned out we were both giving each other mixed signals (even though we were interested) and so neither of us wanted to act on it before. Basically we established that there was abit of interest, and we wanted to find out more about each other to see if this was gonna be a "thing" we wanted to do.
- [[RUSH!] Ghoster](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8295): I met a guy and his family at a bar a couple weeks ago& we hit it off. I added him on Facebook & message him shortly after. We slowly began talking more &more. His ex-wife divorced him 7 months ago & that was the 1st time he had been out in months. Our conversations began to evolve into more serious discussions about our lives & eventually, texting led to sexting. Neither one of us were/are looking for anything serious so I didn’t think that it was much of a problem. He had ask me to come over but I didn’t, I am also currently going through a divorce. We set a day to meet but his son was leaving for vacation so he ended up canceling. We met later during the week, I drove to his house, He was super nervous & so was I. Eventually we had sex that night, I didn’t stay, And After sex he was making comments about things we would do later on down the road (not all sexual, some about being together). The sex wasn’t great, we were both so nervous and a little tipsy that it just kind of weirdly ended. We texted throughout the night & he texted me the next morning saying he was sick. I had a wedding to go to but my friends & I were supposed to meet back up w him & his family that night and go out. My ex-husband was at the wedding & I drank more than I probably should have. I called him (the day before he called & we talked for almost 2 hours) & he didn’t answer but texted me right away so I called again & he sent me to voicemail. I thought he was just hanging out at home bc he was sick. I proceeded to tell him I was drunk & that I called him to say hey & that I felt dumb. He never responded. Later that night I texted him apologizing for calling him while he was sick & tried to explain the situation at the wedding, still no response. I waited 2 days & texted him & said I was thinking abt him & I hoped he was having a great day. I still haven’t heard anything. What did I do wrong? Did I scare him off? I thought we were doing great & then I called him that one time & now he’s completely disappeared. I really liked him.
- [[Standard] Unsure on what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8294): This girl and I got to be very close friends in college. We dated some, but it was never serious. We ended up becoming just friends and then spent time a lot together while not necessarily dating. I transferred to another school and we feel out of touch.
- [[Private] Is he a serial o/l dater, fear of commitment or maybe it’s me](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8293): I've been out of the dating scene for a long time, so my radar is a bit off. About 3 weeks ago I received a nice hello from a man on a dating site. Being a musician, he was drawn to the imagery of my writing style and my looks didn't escape his attention either. We began communicating quickly and regularly exchanging romantic and sometimes playfully sensuous thoughts. Our communications moved from the dating site to text, continuing the daily exchanges and shared more photos (all clean). We also had two marathon phone calls. The first was the usual get to know each other and see if what we felt in our writings would feel the same when we spoke – and it did. In our second call, we spoke more intimately about whether we share the same values, vulnerabilities and future dreams. We both know we want to fall in love and we both moved to an area void of close friends and family. Not spending the rest of our lives alone is a shared desire. He talks of seeing me, shares his imaginings of us together but has yet to initiate when and how that would happen - he is not a shy man, nor does he seem to lack confidence. And I’ve been clear that I’d like to see him too. He’s more fixated on my looks than I prefer but it isn’t concerning yet. This past week he had two devasting pieces of news and asked for my understanding if he’s not paying as much attention to me – I said I understand, do what you need, we’ll pick-up where we left off next week. However, he mistakenly sent me a text which was clearly intended for someone else that read “get out of town, well look at you, the Royal Caribbean seems to be the good one?” Yesterday he made no attempt to explain the message, made a vague comment that “we will figure it out” and this morning shared he needed to look at my photos today to feel better. I’d like to be reasonable, but something about this is beginning to feel off and what I don’t know is if its insecurity or intuition kicking in.
- [[Private] All about Friendship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8292): Screen Shot 2018-04-01 at 2.21.31 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-04-01 at 2.21.31 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-04-01 at 2.21.31 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-04-01 at 2.21.31 PM.pngScreen Shot 2018-04-01 at 2.21.31 PM.png2 months ago I had joined an institute.There I met other students.After a week of my joining a new girl joined.Within 2 weeks I with other 2 guys and that new girl became friends. We are 4 friends. the special thing in that girl is she is very generous to others, she never says no to others,regardless how she feels. If I ask any help or something she always says yes. She loves helping ppl
At the institute, we have public speaking competition every week.She has mentioned in her speeches that how happy she is now with having friends.She had also told in her speeches that before here she was lonely and those friends which she had in the past they left her alone when she needed help.She had suffered many things like last year death of her dog, and 3 years ago accidently someone had thrown acid on her hands by mistake thats how she got scars on her arms.She is neither extrovrt nor introvrt.For me what is felt for her is more than a friend, she changed me completely. Before I was different guy and after meeting her I can see the differences in me. She is one of the greatest person I've ever met. For me She is like a Sister. I didn’t tell her about these feelings but sometimes I have been extra protective for here,emotionally, logically.and she admitted that she trust all 3 of us.now the thing which I am most concerned is her nature of saying yes for everything.We have decided to call each other once or twice a week for English fluency and practice.
but
Please read further text in attached image, i can't describe in 2200 word limit
Thank you
- [[Standard] hang ups](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8290): hi april. ok so as you see we've been together for 6 months, friends with her for 2 years prior. what has been bothering me is a long story but ill keep it short. she has this painting over her bed of person/portrait she seems to be obsessed with it, which i don't mind it's a nice painting. but i recently saw on her instagram that she posted that painting a year ago with the captions "i'm in love with you😍". it doesn't bother me that it's on social media. but it does bother me she keeps it on her wall and still talks about it. i have asked her about the painting prior to seeing the " i'm in love you". and she said it's nothing. so i let it go. but more and more she keeps mentioning the painting and sometimes catches her self and abruptly stops talking about it. my question is should i forget about, should i talk to her about it, if so how should i go about it? she's very defensive and sensitive. i do sense that it is an ex boyfriend who has abused her but she still is not over. i am in love with her and want a future with her. she also tells me the same. thanks.
- [[Standard] Not putting in effort in relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8289): My girlfriend is a cabin crew, and I often send her to-and-fro the airport (even in middle night) as much as I could apart from during my work. The drive journey is around 40mins from her house. By public transport, it would take 1hr30+mins.
- [[RUSH!] Long distance breakup](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8291): 2.5 years ago began online dating with Ruslana from Kyiv. 4 x week email. Met in Kyiv. Again last July. Speaks English physician, bright personality sociable laughs easily. Before visit I sent gifts flowers she loved. During 2 years she would go on business trips be out of contact. She explained she avoided everyone during her work related trips. She did not want to reveal where she lived when I offered to mail her portrait I made of her. After July we agreed meet again. Later she refused flowers because she was busy. We continued warm as before. We still talked about meeting but only when she knew would not be traveling. She still refused gifts saying that she did not want deliveries only if I give them personally. Yet she could not agree on a time for visit. She never asks for gifts money. Towards holidays she became warmer than ever writing every day giving hope. During holidays she changed. Cool not writing often being too busy to write. Yet she was on dating site almost every day. I asked what happened to her attitude towards me if she wanted to end things. She was surprised by question. I let it go until February I asked what she thought about our 2 years and 3 months where it was going. No reply. Secretly I learned her address because she was mysterious. I wanted to know who I was falling for if I will be hurt. Wrong. When no reply to my question of our 2 years I wrote a nice goodbye letter I wanted more than penpal but wife & wish her well. No reply. Feeling resentful I used her address to return cup she gave me last July because she would always refuse my gifts. Mistake. I wrote heartfelt letter how I felt our times together how much I missed her apologizing for my mistakes & finding her address sending back the cup. This heartfelt letter was translated into Russian to catch all subtleties. I sent it online American Greetings & received notice. I offered travel to meet anytime. Send the portrait with note telling her I had hoped to give it at next meeting? Should have offered her more for the future last July? She had given me romantic signals. Is there anything I can do that wont frighten disgust her? I am so sad that I hurt her.
- [[Private] The guy I am dating completely disappeared](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8288): Hi April,
- [[Private] I’m not sure if breaking up was the right thing to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8287): We have been together nearly 2 years and we started off more as FWB but progressed into a relationship within a month or two. It felt like as time went by our relationship just got better and better, till it reached a point where we were behaving like a married couple; settling down into a routine (me going over to his place on weekends and catching up on netflix etc). To put it in another way, our relationship mostly revolved around sex in the beginning but progressed to us just enjoying each other's company. Recently I casually raised the idea of meeting his parents (he already has met mine) which progressed to the topic of marriage. He told me he was comfortable with the way things are and hadn't given much thought to it.. he also displayed some surprise that I was already considering marriage. I was pretty upset but mostly shocked, because I thought we had the perfect r/s- we were compatible personality wise, perfectly happy, and hardly ever argued.
- [[Private] Am I overreacting?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8286): Thank you so much in advance!
- [[Standard] Girl Wants to Take it Slow](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8285): Hi, I am in an unfamiliar position within a relationship. I really like and respect this girl, and we ARE communicating well , but something in my gut just feels off. The energy between us is good , we hit it off from the minute we met and it escalated quickly. In our first month she made herself available and was eager to hang out and talk. Within 3 weeks of meeting we had an intensely passionate evening - she even initiated. But then a few days later we went out on another date and when I got affectionate toward her she gave me the "I really like you but I want to take it slow" speech.
- [[Standard] Urgent Porn Help](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8284): Ive been together with my partner for 3 years.
- [[Standard] Appalled at my behavior did I ruin it all](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8283): I started talking to a friend I recently connected with, it was going good until New Years Eve. I went to his party and I blacked out drunk. According to him and others I was talking about him nobody said if it was good or bad. However it made them uncomfortable and caused drama. The day after I text him and apologize and this was his response, "I’m not mad or holding a grudge or anything but that was for sure more drama than I care to deal with. Thank you for the apology though. "
- [[Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8282): April, I've written before and this is about my relationship with Liz. I wrote yesterday and you answered my question. However, I find it odd that she is "not communicating" with me. She has done this before. Kind of lashes out and gets mad but then won't communicate with me for a month or so and then pops back into the picture. I realize dating with children is tough. We've talked about it but we are all (her kids and mine) are so comfortable around each other and get along well. She has also told me numerous times that her kids "like me". We've gone back and forth a couple of times and she's told me she get scared to make herself vulnerable and put herself out there. I've offered to take it slow. I just feel hurt and really miss her when we don't talk and then of course I wonder what she's up to. I did send her flowers and a card last week and got no response from her. Should I just sit tight or what? Any detailed plan you can suggest I'm open to.
Thanks.
Bryan
- [[RUSH!] Relationship difficulty](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8281): Any advice on what I can do to get back with Liz? We both have over and over again expressed our love for each other but this situation I just can't understand. I would never tell my children anything that they could repeat unless we both agreed to it. What should I do?
- [[RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8280): Things got very steamy last Sunday, and he was fine the day after but I noticed he was different on Tuesday. I did the awful thing of accusing him of ignoring me, and I have been picking this kind of fight with him often. We had fought many times before this. HE did not text back until Friday and asked to meet me in person. When we met, he said that he rather remain friends because being more than friends is exhausting and that he does not want to hurt me. We sat in his car, and I couldn't stop myself from crying. HE wouldn't stop kissing me hands and telling me, "I need time. Give me time to heal. I care about you so much but I don't like how much we fight so early on." This morning he asked me to see a movie with him and we cuddled the entire time, and he kept playing with my hair and kissing my hands. However, he accidentally touched my breast and he said "oh oops I am sorry." That made me feel bad because I felt like he was friend-zoning me. I am so confused right now because I don't want him to ever regret wanting more than a friendship with me. He said that he has liked me for so long but I have hurt him so much. How do I overcome this? I truly care for this man, and I don't want him to think that I only like to fight. Do you think he is still interested?
- [[Standard] Is it infidelity when it’s not physical?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8279): 2000 characters severely limits me! Anyway, I have been seeing a beautiful airline gate agent for 20 months. In our history, she has had issues putting her ex away for good. It has always caused problems because shes had secret interaction with him, and I’ve compromised her privacy to find out about it. She’s even had sex with him and dates. Why do I come back? Well I only have 2000 characters. But, she’s enchanting and unique, and gives me everything I want in a person. I learned to somewhat cope with him, but I do protest every time I saw an advance from him. I feel she should have turned him away, if she wants me. Since she is in customer service, pretty and ethnic, she gets hit on often. About 2 months ago, she told me she couldn’t decide what she wanted to do with me. I started to move on by dating. She realized she was losing me, and crashed a date at my house. Finally, after the ex issues, she was truly desiring me. We committed to each other finally! But since, she gets texts and calls, and at odd hours, from men whom she’s met mostly at work. Some are coworkers, but very distant coworkers. These men make a point of seeing her there. Customers give her business cards, and she takes them. A pilot has bought her a $300 jacket, with a card that says ‘Love, Robert’. She says that she told him she has me, but he still texts, and I think she hasn’t said much to him, but I don’t know. She met a man on a flight where she was a passenger. They swapped info. All of this on my watch. I’ve seen enough interaction where, to me it’s no mistaking. She says that she does nothing physical with them. I mostly believe that. But she reaches out to them, and these are men that want to date her and more. These are not men that want to be simple acquaintances. To me, it sends the wrong message for her to keep them around. I think she likes the attention. She’s fantastic in every way else, so thats why I stay. She thinks she does nothing wrong, because there is nothing physical.
- [[Standard] Confused about a woman I’m dating](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8278): Hello, I started dating a woman I have been knowing for several months. We used to talk every and now and then but never crossed the line since she had a boyfriend. One day we exchanged numbers. Anyway, one day she texted me out of nowhere to talk. We ended up meeting one day to talk. That is when she told me that her and her bf had split and she was feeling down. So I was there to cheer her up. Couple of weeks went by and she wanted me to come by her place to help her out with something. Then a week later we ended up having some great sex multiple times. She told me that she was in to me. Then all of sudden I was told by my job that I had to go overseas at the end October. So the first week we were communicating via FB video or texting via FB constantly. Then as time went by we were barely communicating. Then it was no response back from her at all. This kept on recurring. When I did get in contact with her she said she has been busy between work and her organization. I'm working everyday for 12 hrs and sometimes more than that. Then all sudden she starts texting constantly again and answers her video calls and we talk for a long time. Then once again barely no response and then radio silence. This past Friday we ended up video calling and we had a great convo. We were laughing and we talked about her Christmas gifts she received from me. No problems everything was fine. We then talked this past Sunday but briefly since she was working. Today I called her just to see how she was doing. I did text her and I asked her why she is not answering. She responds that she's been working 10 hours since Sunday. Then she ends up telling me that she doesn’t think it would work out between us. She said I can ship the gifts back. I ask her where did that come from? I ask her to explain why she is acting this way. What should I do in this situation? How can I get a positive response from her? Thank you
- [[Standard] Ex says he’s confused and doesn’t know what to do. Should I walk away?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8277): Dating a man for 1 1/2 years. We had an amazing start to our relationship. We were both incredibly happy. I took very ill after about 9 months. Until then we had a busy and exciting life I lost all energy , was in constant pain. I was I was in so much pain I couldn't even cuddle properly and our sex life dropped. It was a miserable time for both of us. The new medication didn't originally work and things took their toll on our relationship until we spilt 3 months ago
New medication is finally working
I didn't want to talk to my ex until I was sure
Just as I was about to say that he started seeing someone else. I asked if we were definitely over or did we still have a discussion to have
Hetold me he still loves me and we agreed to meet that night at his suggestion
We met had a very good talk about things I asked him whether he thought there was a chance for us he said he didn't know.
So I said I would leave while I still had some pride. As I went to get up off the chair but he came over on and we embraced. We had a very passionate session but I put a stop to sex. Eventually I left and came home. He called later that night. Since then he calls all the time
One night I was speaking to someone else and he called 6 times and sent 2 texts. Another night he dropped by. He didn't stay long we had another passionate embrace but again I didn't allow sex. Yesterday we met up in town and had a few nice cocktails and something to eat, we other things on The new girlfriend picked him up they went back to his and slept together. She left after 1 am and he text me. I was asleep and never heard it so he texted again at 6 am to ask if I was ok
Then we ended up speaking on the phone for about 2 hours. Talking about our relationship in depth
Now tonight I know he is with her again. He said he needs time to get his head sorted out before he makes a decision He also told me that he had wanted us to get back together until he met this woman but thought I didn't Help!
- [[RUSH!] Do I worry too much or am I just  jealous ?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8276): We have lived together for one and a half years now I work in a remote location 2000 miles south of our home. When I am home things are great. The issue is while I am working. She has a tenancy of going out to the bars six nights a week. At first it was to go visit the afternoon crowd you know the people that just got off work. No she is going out later and later with a more shady crowd that frequents the bars that late at night. I have asked her to slow down and I have been questioning her motivation in this change. I reached out to her later at night because once again I am in a isolated situation at camp and would like to have some kind of contact with the outside world ,her being that contact. Now I am getting, you’re jealous you don’t trust me you are being controlling I will not change my life because you feel threatened. Hell now she sends me articles on unhealthy jealousy. Now I am sitting here questioning am I afraid something bad is going to happen to her or am I just being that freak and trying to control her now I don’t even know. So if I am just being jealous of her late night bar activities and it’s none of my business what can I do? Should I just ignore the fact that she blows me off to go be social at his clubs every night or is it fair to expect my fiancé to be there for me to help me not worry so much while I am at work trying to provide for our family. Please help me !!
- [[Private] Office Relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8275): Hi April, I am a 30 yrs old and married for 10 years. it is a broken relationship, for several reasons including past infidelity, growing apart because we were growing up, and fundamental differences especially religion. With that, we are not in a bad place and respect one another and do the best for our children. The interesting part, is that this is not my question, but feel the need to pretense it as it may be relevant. I recently started and new job and met a woman i really like. She is in her early 40's and divorced 2 years ago. I built up enough courage to ask her out for a drink just for the opportunity to talk outside of the work setting. I would not do this unless I was 99.99% sure she was interested. When I did ask her out, she declined and said " Aren't you married?". The next day she stopped by my office and apologized about her response because she was so taken off guard and and didn't know how to answer me. We laughed it off, because my delivery was weird and a mess of emotions. She was going on vacation about 3 weeks ago and asked for my cell before she left. Since that time she texts me every single day. Morning/Nights/Weekends. I have explained how much i really like her and that I can't stop thinking about her. I have never shown this vulnerability before in my life. I have asked in return her interest level and don't really get anything. When I asked her interest level in me, she said"it doesn't matter cause you are married". Come to find out she has a boyfriend of about a year. I don't think it is too serious, as she does it in between being a single mother. Part of me says "you're an idiot, she obviously like you" as she always stops by my office and will text me after work" how's your night?".It is soooo confusing. I am positive her boyfriend and my wife would not be happy with the frequency of texting....
While I have many questions, I am just interested in what you think her interest level may be or the situation I find my self in. There are a few scenarios going through my head, but I could be overthinking it.
- [[RUSH!] Boyfriend vs. college](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8274): my boyfriend of 6 months is dropping out of college next semester and has asked me to run away when the semester ends. (also, he has no choice but to drop out at this point because he purposefully flunked his classes). He had first asked me around october but i never gave him a solid answer; eventually i was put in a situation where i just felt like i had to say yes, even though i dont think this is a wise idea for me. He says to just trust him and know that i'll live a life filled with love and that he's do anything for me etc. The reason i started to yes is because i know that he was going to end the relationship had i said no, in order to protect himself from a more harsh heartbreak. The reason it wouldnt work if he left and i stayed is because of the distance. I know that keeping it going is kind of selfish, but he's my first love, and I dont want to lose him. I'm running out of time and i still havent figured out how to say that I cannot drop out of school. I am a junior in college, my parents have invested so much into my education and I just dont see a future for myself without a college degree. I want to tell him that I can't go with him, but I also want him to just cherish the time that we have together rather than end things for no good reason, but if he really doesnt want to continue this after we go separate ways. I dont know how to break my own heart, and his. Someone please tell me how to approach this. I want to be with him becauase he's my first love and hopefully my last but i also want to stay in school - apparently i cant have both. I feel like ive only given a little information above but im not sure how else to put my thoughts into words.
- [[Standard] Mixed Signals](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8273): Is he interested in a relationship?
- [[Standard] Please tell me what I can do to get him back? I read your previous response](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8272): I have been married 10 years. I i met a guy (martial arts instructor at the gym) we started texting. He genuinely wanted to know more abt me and where i was from etc. I was upfront and told him i was married. He still wanted to know me and continued texting me. we texted abt everything. When he sees me at the gym he seems so hyper and always around me and ppl started noticing and said i think he likes u. He is goofy with lotsof energy.He wanted me to come early to gym so he can see me etc. Last week fri, we decided we at least should kiss. So, I went into the wmn bathroom. He followed me 2 mins later. We made out. It was great. The next day after my workout we did the same thing but this time he wanted a bit more. And i realized I couldnt do it. He sat on the sink held me from behind and just kissed my neck and held my hand.I told him I felt really guilty. He understood. I told him he couldn't fall for me. We kissed one last time. he held my hand kissed my hand and kissed my forehead and left. I said i would help him find smbdy other girl etc..He never texted me that day & i sorta got mad and messaged him said I dont understand men. Then next morning he said i thought u were the one who dint want anything. And he proceeded to say he started feeling guilty too. I told him we could meet up and talk abt it but he dint want too (i may have sounded desperate). Mon, i saw him at the gym we barely spoke. He was not bouncing off the wall with energy. Ppl started noticing that he wasnt talking to me. Tue, I told him to walk me to my car. I apologized for what i did in the bathroom but I wanted to give us another shot for me to show him how i felt abt him, He said he cant. He feels horrible. (Looked point blank in my eyes and said it) As I was leaving , he asked will i see u tomm or are u going out of town. I couldnt bring my self to respond, i just left.I saw yday, Just said whats up. .Idk. How can i win him back? . What can i do to win him back?
- [[Private] Winning him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8271): Good Morning,
- [[Private] What can I do to make the relationship better?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8212): The first 2 years of the relationship were perfect. But when I had our first child, things changed and my husband became distant and spent a lot of time putting the hours in at work. Everytime we would have an argument he would give me the silent treatment and he wouldnt talk to me for days even though we are living in the same house. I was very young back then and this was my first relationship. To overcome the loneliness, I started flirting with other men. (This was 10 years ago and we got married last year I'm)From there onwards, things between us have not been right.Eg i just had a baby 6 months ago. My husband has admitted that he has been trying to avoid me, so that when I'm awake, he is either sleeping or rushing to go to work.He now sleeps in a different bed,by his own choosing and no matter what I do to get him to have sex with me again. He refuses and says he's busy or too tired.I think it's just an excuse. He also excludes me from his plans and only tells me about them when I ask him specific questions from over hearing his conversation.Last year he flew off to another country for a funeral and didn't tell me what day he was leaving or when he would be back.This was very disruptive as I had to take emergency leave.I just feel like he's deliberately doing things to distance himself from me and to hurt me.I don't know what to do to get him back on my side. I've tried baking but it doesn't seem to have soften him. I'm now wondering if there's someone else. When we've had an argument about this and ive said it would probably be better if he just left if he doesn't want to be around me.He said, yeah that would work for him and when I've suggested going to counselling. He's just said, let's just get a divorce instead of wasting time.theres also an issue with redecorating the house and things for baby clothes we desperately need. We dont have high outgoings because we dont even own a car
- [[RUSH!]](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8270): My boyfriend and i started at work as friends but started dating after I left my ex. He's chivalrous, very attractive, has the same beliefs as I do and we have great chemistry.
- [[Private]](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8269): We have mainly just been friends throughout all this time, although there have been times where things seem to be heading in the direction of becoming more (flirting,constantly talking, hanging out) but due to all this underconfidence I never made my move with her. So I have been stuck in this cycle of getting close then never making a move and her phasing in and out of mini relationships with other guys. Now for the present situation, I have been at university in the UK since 2013, she studies in Spain. So we've only had limited communication.
- [[Standard] Should I end my relationship with my boyfriend?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8268): I am in a 10 month committed relationship with a 57 year old. He includes me in his life. We've gone on one vacation together. We've taken a few small trips together as well. I've met his family on more than one occasion. I have my daughter every Tuesday and Wednesday. When I'm not with my daughter I go to his house from Thursday through Tuesday. He usually visits me at my place every other Monday that I'm not down there. When I have my daughter over the weekend he doesn't typically come to see me on my Thursday off. He'd rather have his single time with his female friend Gayle or one of his other friends. I think Gayle is in love with him. When she is around sometimes she has said honey, sweetie or when leaving Love ya. He doesn't reveal his day with me in full detail unless I ask. I feel disconnected from him because he is so secretive and I don't even know if he's aware he's doing it. He doesn't even know that him being with Gayle so much bothers me. I just find it weird that he wouldn't want to spend Thursday's with me even if it was to meet somewhere. They have had sex previously but he told me that he couldn't be with her. She wasn't girlfriend material. She's constantly going to his place and now they are going to parties together. If I didn't ask today what he was up to he would have never told me they were at a party together. I've never asked him if they are still having sex together. He does text me and tell me he's thinking of me. Calls me cute names. Should I stay in this relationship or end it?
- [Long term friendzone? How can I re-establish a relationship/connection with her?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8267): Sept'13 I met a girl.She was in UK from America to live for a bit.Became close & kissed on 3 occasions.I was 21,inexperienced at dating,didn't make intentions clear,missed chance.Told her how I felt 6 months in,she said timing isn't right & we should stay friends & have fun friendship for now but "if it's meant to happen in the future it will".She went home to America end'14.Then until start of '17 we remained very close & although we were in different countries there still felt to be a 'spark' when txting & Skyping.I helped her in tough times,even went to visit her start of '15 & sent bday & xmas gifts.2017 she moved to Ireland for 2yrs.I thought we would pick up where we left off but relationship has taken nosedive.She never initiates communication & when we talk vibe is different,short answers,no questions,less emoticons,feel like the 'spark' is gone & lost interest.Met up 1 day in June as she was in the UK,I tried to make conversations fun but I was just getting flat vibe.She was mid breakup with guy she was seeing in Ireland for 2 months.Her background.No LTR for 10yrs (at 18 dated a guy for a yr).Since then,dated a few guys but nothing ever comes of it.Admitted to me she is quite prude & "gets bored of guys".Despite others 'failing',always been me she comes back to for that spark & flirty chat, made me think I had a chance.Always been in my mind I will be the one in the end that wins,we had a great friendship that felt it could be built on.Now feels that bridge from friend to potentially more is broken.How do I go about fixing this? I know the worst thing to do is appear desperate & needy.Guess I am in a long term friendzone & she lost interest? Should I visit her in Ireland (I'd be staying with her)? How often should I text her? I want to be able to maintain a fun relationship with her like before where I feel I have a chance in the future if the opportunity arose.Just now,I feel the spark is gone,even the friendship spark.I used to feel I was special to her,now I feel I mean as much as any other guy.How can I lay the groundwork now & bide my time for a shot with her in future?
- [Desperately need help!](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8262): Hi April!
I am 23 years old, and I met a wonderful man (30 years old) online back in April, and things were wonderful! He was always the one asking to go on dates, but I was very flakey because of a very serious family situation. Eventually, he told him that he wouldn’t talk to me anymore if I didn’t make the effort to see him, so I did! We hung out, and it was nothing short of amazing. However, two weeks after our date, I made lots of silly accusations, and it escalated into a fight. He wasn’t taking my calls and texts, and THERE WERE LOTS OF CALLS AND TEXTS. I left him alone for a week, but then I decided to text him, and somehow it worked and we were back to normal. We talked everyday and hung out often, and when we saw each other, it was intimate but in a cute way. No sex! Just lots of cuddling and kissing, and he seemed upset when I had to go home. Two weeks ago, he went on a vacation to visit family in the East Coast. Surprisingly, he kept in touch and was even trying to Facetime with me! He wanted me to meet his nieces and nephews on facetime, and I thought that was very special! When he got back, he was very off. I know he had to go back to a stressful work load, but he was very distant with me! He made time to see his friends when he got back, but not me. That hurt my feelings, so I addressed it with him! Last Saturday (7/22) he called me, and I told him that I felt like he wasn’t putting in effort, and he made me feel irrelevant. He gave me some reassurance, and we changed the subject. He ended the conversation with, “I need to get my car from the oil change, and I will talk to you later.” I didn’t hear from him last Saturday! Last Sunday, (7/23) I asked him for some help with a math question (he always helps me with math), and he completely ignored my message! I usually see if he read my message or not, but it currently just says “delivered.” I haven’t said anything else to him, but its so hard! I am dying to send another message. One last thing, he still has my selfie photos saved on our snapchat thread.
- [Hope?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8266): Friends with J 5 yrs. His oldest & my oldest r bffs. We live 2 doors away. We've always been flirtatious.
- [Friendzoned? Not friendzoned? How do I proceed? (2)](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8265): Thank you for your previous response April, just to follow up on a few things.
Yes I'm not yet divorced, just separated. Circumstances are such that I might not be able to for about a year at least. I care about my ex-wife's well being, and there are things I need to do to make sure she is ok before I am to divorce her.
You mentioned I treat her like a friend. True, I don't hold hands with her (although I put my arm around her shoulder a lot), haven't kissed or had sex. But we do always go for movies alone, dinner alone, drinks alone etc. And she really does (sometimes) prioritise these outings with me over her Tinder dates. Now true, we don't call them "dates", but do they not mean anything? Does it not mean anything to her when we cuddle and spoon all night, my arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly close to me, or me running my fingers through her hair and arm while she rests her head on my chest? I feel these are quite intimate, and I can't understand how she doesn't see this is, at the very least, NOT "just a friendship".
If I had never been married, I would definitely have made a move by now. The biggest issue is the one I mentioned in the 'culture' question. Also, I'm not sure how she would feel about me telling her how I feel because she has actually met and talked to my wife. Has this created barriers in her head? Do you think she has friendzoned me to such an extent that if I make too much of a move it would make her feel uncomfortable? You mentioned previously "..and have sex with her, *if you both are ready, which it seems like you are*". Does that mean she actually might have buried feelings?
With all these barriers, will it be prudent to make a move and put her in that situation? Should I talk to her? Or should I let her go? I can't even imagine letting her go, because she is such a massive source of happiness and comfort for me, and like I said before, pretty much the most perfectly compatible girl I've ever met. I'm just so worried I'll never find another Tharini. But IF this is not going to go anywhere, I guess it's best to get away now or things may get harder for both of us later.
- [Friendzoned? Not friendzoned? How do I proceed?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8264): Tharini and I have been friends for years now, she has even met my (ex)wife. We're both Sri Lankan, but live in Sydney. We do everything together, have very similar personalities and know all our stories. A couple of months before my wife and I separated, we had a conversation while seated at a park at night, about how we feel about each other, and we both stated that even though we loved hanging out with each other, we did not see each other in a physical manner. Although in my case, that was probably due to a low libido issue I seem to be having, because Tharini has physical attributes that are PERFECT to me. After my wife and I separated however, we've gotten even closer. We sleep together- we never had sex, but we do cuddle, quite intimately. Most of the time we're either spooning, with my arms around her body holding her close to me, crossing over at her breasts (she wears a T shirt but no bra). Or she keeps her head on my chest with an arm draped over my body. I usually run my fingers through her hair, or across her hand if it is on my body. I have even given her very causal kisses on her upper arm, although I'm not sure if she was sleeping on the occasions that I do.
Tharini has Tinder hookups a lot because she feels her parents will push an arranged marriage on her soon as is done in our culture for single women at a certain age. I don't blame her, I would too in that situation.
I actually like Tharini. Like a LOT. But I'm a bit confused as to how she see's me. She has told me she wants me to be her best man at her wedding. She has told me "even if you weren't married I wouldn't view you that way because our friendship is too good and I wouldn't want to ruin it". Am I in some sort of next-level friendzone here??
I haven't made a move yet, because (a) I don't know if I'm some sort of other dimensional friendzone, (b) her parents will not like the prospect of her being with a divorced guy, it's a big no-no in our culture. I've basically met who I honestly think is probably the most perfect girl I would ever meet....and I'm going to have to just let her go. Pls help!
- [Should I be OK w/ my girlfriend to going out with other guys?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8263): She is here in the US traveling on a tourist visa. We lived together for more than a month at my place in NYC. I provide everything, dinning, night outs and recently took her to Fort Lauderdale and Bahamas cruise for a week. Our intimacy is very active. We make love 2-3 times a day and sometimes more.
- [Not calling me in 2 weeks](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8261): Hi April
I posted a question last week but it seems that it didn't go through
As an introduction, I'm a 37 woman who has severe anxiety issues around men. I have never had a relationship. Due to my anxiety, I thought that trying a matchmaking service (those that pick your match and arrange your first date) would be helpful. Two weeks ago I went for my first date ever (had never dated before) with a military guy who was very nice, and I found him super cute too. I was visibly nervous as he kept staring at me during our awkward silences and the entire date which made me feel even more uncomfortable. He may have thought I was totally uninterested if he did not realize I was shy. He told me he had been to 15 other dates, and that this date was fun as some others were 'weird', and also told me that I should call him whenever I wanted to go somewhere in my spare time. He asked my number and he told me he would text me his number but I never got the text. It has been 2 weeks and I haven't heard from him. I'm confused because in this kind of matchmaking dates it is ok not to share/ask phone numbers but he asked my number. Not sure if he may have got a wrong number. Not sure if it is because of his schedule or he is not interested at all. One of my friends told me that because of their schedule military guys take several weeks to get in touch with you, and he says he works from 5 am to 9 pm most of the times. What are your thoughts? My friend found his work contact information, should I try to contact him?
Thanks
- [How can a guy do everything right except the talk, but then go from captivated to awkward over sex?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8260): How can a guy do everything right except "the talk", but then go from being "captivated" (his term) to "awkward" (his term) over sex? He invited me over for dinner. When I first arrived he gave me a tight hug and wouldn't let go - a moment, a connection for me. Later I said I was not ready for sex. I actually was ready; I just needed to know we were exclusively boyfriend and girlfriend with a future. I'm used to a man having established those things, plus telling me he loves me first. We ended up in his bed, but I stopped before doing the deed because of not having it established. He seemed okay with that. Later, while we were snuggling, he asked me to spend the night, but I declined. Then it got awkward. Our subsequent, pre-scheduled dates for Saturday and Monday nights were even more awkward. He called me last night. He said he does not think he can get past the awkwardness to pick back up from where we were before. He said he would think about it while out of town over the next few days and call me back if he changes his mind. That's demeaning to me. I said okay and goodbye. He did everything right (took profile down, scheduled dates for every weekend and during the week in advance, etc) except waiting until now to have the talk. Does this mean that all he wanted was sex? Should I have initiated the talk? If so, when? I've read to give a guy 6 to 8 weeks to have the talk. We were on week 6, on the way to week 7, so it seems like I wasn't waiting too long for him to initiate the talk, but he pushed me to a place that requires the talk. I know that with my ex-husband and ex-fiance and other past relationships this would have been a nothing burger. He said he is a one woman guy - that exclusivity is a given, but does not want to get re-married and maybe not even live together. I don't shack up and want to get re-married, although I saw no need in telling him so in those terms at this point. I am going back online today. What can I do differently in the future to avoid this situation?
- [Partner contacted his ex…](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8259): My bf & I have been together for 3 yrs.We have lived together for over a year now.. He has only had one other girlfriend & they broke up in 2013.She left him while he was away at work & refused to speak to him for 3 years.Last year in Aug, she sent him a txt apologising for leaving him all those years ago, explained her side, asked to catch up & said that her new relationship had just failed & now she knew how it felt to be left alone.His reply was very blunt. He thanked her for apologising & ignored her request to meet up.She kept txting & he asked her to stop txting & blocked her number. In Oct (2 months after the original message), he called her while very drunk at a bucks party & I found out the next morning & of course got very upset. He said it was because he had questions to ask her. I was extremely upset at him calling her but let it go as he insisted he didn't have any feelings for her & that he loved me. He called her again while drunk in April (3 mnths ago now). It was the night before I was flying to a new city to move with him for his new job. Other than these 2 phone calls, he doesn’t speak to her & there is nothing that makes me question his feelings for me. He has had her blocked on Fbook since they broke up in 2013 & blocked her number on his iphone when she was txting him in Aug (you can still call out to blocked numbers though so that's how he was able to drunk call her!). He hasn't disagreed or argued when I've expressed my feelings about them communicating.
- [Drunk text](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8258): I met Sarah through friends at bonnaroo. The 1st 2 days we danced together. On the third day I made a move & we hooked up the rest of the festival. We broke away from our group and did our own thing. After our group rented a house in Nashville for 2 days. We got drunk and had sex for the 1st time The next day I ended up buying her dinner and instead of going out we went back to our room and just talked and kissed for hours and then had sex again. The next day I drove back home with her 17 hrs. A week later We met for drinks and kissed 2 days later we took a party bus to this tiki bar We hooked up all day and had a long walk on the beach just talking. She was also talking to this other guy in between and sitting on his lap. Her best friend said that I'm pretty much competing with the guy she was talking to. She just got out of a bad relationship 8 months ago and likes attention. We got home & had sex again and spent the night together. The next day I asked her out on a real date and she said yes. That night we went to a bar with friends for their bday but the same guy showed up and she was talking to him the whole night avoiding me. I ended up blacking out. I woke up to see that I drunk texted her saying "I thought you were different than other girls and I had the best time of my life with you but I obviously don't matter. You'll always be my girl but I'll miss you" I don't remember sending this & she texted back "wtf are you talking about your way to drunk tn you should prob not talk to me till your sober" I said sorry & she answered me 5 hrs later saying "I have nothing to say to you" and that there's nothing to talk about. Im an idiot & wrote this overly long text how I know she went through a breakup and I know that we're not together. I said there maybe potential in the future but right now we're just having fun & said that blackout me had a hard time understanding that. She didn't answer for hours and when she did she said I'm going out I'll talk to you tomoro. She still hasn't texted me. I want her. I feel we have a real connection but I don't want to push her away. What do I do? Is there hope at all
- [Complicated situation and confused](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8257): I'm separated from my husband and divorce is final end of Sept. My bf has been separated over a year. We started dating in Jan. I am the first person that he's dated since his separation, and he is mine too. We are in love and he was first to tell me around a month ago. He is a consultant and has a very good reputation in his field. His company was taken over in Apr by a national firm, expectations were ridiculous, and they wanted him to move to AZ. He was being scheduled basically 7am-11pm. He broke his contract a couple months ago and it seems is unofficially black balled. His ex had already secured a job in AZ when he quit, but hadn't signed a contract and knew he was no longer planning to move. She decided to still move as it's a good job and is taking the kids with (he's been very understanding as her contract is only a year. I feel part of the reason that he quit was because he knows I have no interest in having a long distance relationship, and has talked often about wanting to move in together when he can find another job. We last saw each other 9 days ago, and said he'd make sure to see me before he leaves. He leaves tomorrow to drive to AZ in one packed car while she will be driving the other packed vehicle with the kids. He is staying until Aug as his ex starts her job in a week, but kids don't start school until end of Jul. He is leaving both cars there, selling hers, and flying back here. For the last two days he hasn't initiated contact often, but we talked yesterday night for hrs until early this morning and was very sweet. I didnt hear from him today until I tried to call around 2:30pm. He apologized and said he left his phone in the house and I know he's been packing. I've only heard from him once since. I know that he's stressed especially about the kids leaving, but he hasn't made any attempt to make sure that we see each other again before he leaves. I feel like if I mean as much as he says I do that he would have made sure we saw each other, and also be more intentional about texting before middle of the day. Am I being unreasonable? I understand how big of a change this is for him.
- [Advice needed](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8256): Dear April,
I'm writing you because I'm in desperate need of advice and would like an input on my current situation.
As an introduction, I'm 37, successful professional with doctorate degree, with severe anxiety around men. I am overweight which doesn't help me with this anxiety. I'm from a very traditional family, my parents never allowed me to date, when I moved to US I was focusing on my career/training and now I'm finally done with training and would like to meet a guy and start a family. I live in a very small city so my dating options here are none.
I have never had a relationship. I tried online but the few guys I met online were only looking for sex so I never met them in person. Due to my anxiety, I thought a matchmaking service (those that pick your match and arrange your first date) would be helpful. So I joined It's just lunch. Last week I went for my first date ever with a military guy who was very nice, and I found him cute too. We got along well and I had a lot of nervous smiles/laughs that day. I was visibly nervous too as he kept staring at me during our awkward silences and the entire date which made me feel even more uncomfortable. When he told me he had been on 15 mire of these dates I almost died. He may have thought I was uninterested if he did not realize I was shy. At the end of the date he told me he had fun, and also told me that I should call him whenever I wanted to do anything in my spare time. He asked my number and he told me he would text me his but I never got the text with his humber. It has been a week and I haven't heard from him. I'm confused because in these matchmaking dates it is ok not to share/ask phone numbers but he asked my number (actually they encourage us not to feel obligated to share contact information). Not sure if he may have got a wrong number. Not sure if it is because of his schedule (he told me he works from 4 am sometimes until 8 pm) or he might just not be interested.
I honestly initially thought he got my number wrong so I even thought about looking for his contact information as his name is not very common and I know where he works... What are your thoughts? What should I do?
Thanks in advance
- [Stay or leave?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8255): I was with my x girlfriend for a year before she broke up with me a month ago. I still love her and would like to reconcile but she says she is not ready. Although she says this she is always calling, texting and sending me pictures. She says she would like to be friends with benefits and asked could i wait on her. I responded yes only if we could be exclusive during the wait. I suggested that we let each other know if we started dating or having sex with other people during that time. She said she didnt think informing each other of that info would be a good idea because that would be the same as being in a relationship. That caused serious red flags for me. She claims we are soul mates and to still be in love with me. Im confused. I dont want to be used as a filler until she meets someone new and leaves me holding the bag. She just sent me a text today saying a true love story never ends. We have plans to spend the weekend in D.C for the 4th of July. Obviously we are going to have a good time including sex which she has already mentioned with excitement. I feel like she is playing games and and i am starting to resent her for that. Although most men would look at this as the perfect situation i don't. I can have sex with anybody but rarely does someone come along that i really care for and love. How long should i wait for her? Should i just cut her off all together and move forward? I feel like a yo yo at this point. Any advice would be much appreciated. I dont want to waste time with her when i could be out finding other potential partners
- [What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8254): I've been in a relationship with my BF for 5 years. During that I had to live with my kids father for 2 but in seperate rooms, he cheated on me multiple times I had an abortion found out he was with another girl and even moved in with her which he promised me he wouldn't do. I moved out when I could afford it. He and my ex fought bc my ex came to the house and was banging on my windows and etc. I tried to stop them. I found out I was pregnant again. Then had a miscarraige. He got this girl pregnant and didn't even tell me I found out 4 months later on fb. When the baby was born it was the anniversary of my misscarrage. I felt awful. My ex played me into sleeping with him. I did it one time and never repeated. I sent a couple of pics and stopped less than a weeks time. Then I was fully committed again bc I love my BF. My bf became faithful, even discussed a marriage date. We had signed a lease together. Then my ex sent him the screenshot of the video I didn't realize he took of us together and the pics over 10minths ago. My bf left stopped our lease and said he was letting go. Now he is saying he is giving me a chance but we aren't together...he isn't sure if he can ever get over this. He says he holds grudges and never gets over things and can't tell me what to do....says he feels Like he owes me this. Says he cares about me and my kids but is angry and also hates me.
What can I do?
- [How to keep the physical part of the relationship in check with the rest](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8253): My question is how to keep the physical part of the relationship in tandem with the rest of it. Saturday night I had date #7 with my new guy. He called Sunday afternoon. We spoke for 30 minutes. He is out of town Monday through Thursday of this week and he made dates with me for the upcoming Friday, Saturday, and Monday nights. I did not hear from at all today, which is unusual and bothers me a lot. I have tried to keep the physical aspects in line with the emotional/commitment (or lack thereof) part. During our last date things moved forward physically, but not as far as he tried. Also, he asked me to spend the night, but I declined. I did not explain why I did not let things go too far or why I declined to spend the night. The reason is that I want him to ask for a commitment before I go too far physically, or spend the night. I'm afraid if I bring it up or say so in response to something he says, then it will look like I am asking for a commitment, which never works. Was I wrong to tentatively agree to so many dates in a row? What are the implications in terms of investing so much time without a commitment? He took his profile down from the dating site where we met (without mentioning it), so I followed suit. Still, I do not want to devote all my time, much less my body, to a commitmentless situation, even though I always want to see him. In most of my relationships, the guy tries to define things about now, but if he gets my time, then he knows I can't be seeing anyone else which may discourage him from feeling a need to nail things down. I left Saturday night tenuous. Should I tell him it turns out I am only free Friday after all? I don't want to discourage him. I want the entire relationship to progress and do not know how to navigate at this point. Should I explain my reasons for limiting the physical part and, if I do, how can I do so without sounding like I am asking for a commitment or trying to use the sex as a bargaining chip, when it is more a matter of casual sec not working for me.
- [My older boyfriend broke up with me the same week I started a new job.](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8252): My boyfriend and I were together for seven months before he broke up with me out of the blue. He would ask me every weekend if I was going to stick around for a while and that he wanted to keep me. A month before he broke up with me he told me that he "needed to be more grateful to have a good woman like me." I was applying for a new job and he supported me, but seemed concerned that I was going to meet someone else. I reassured him that I wasn't going anywhere, and he mentioned meeting my family (I had already met his). My first week on the job he barely texted me and then said this relationship was "too much of the same" and he was losing interest. He officially broke up with me a week later. He said that his life is easier without someone in it and he thinks he's supposed to be alone. A month later I sent him a letter telling him that I loved him (it was not only the first time I said it to him; it was the first time I said it to anyone) and he replied that he was sorry my feelings were stronger than his. It’s been two months since he ended it and I haven't heard from him since. I love his daughter like she's my own, so losing him is bad enough, but losing both of them has been unbearable. If my feelings were so much stronger than his, why bring me around his daughter for seven months? Why constantly ask if I was going anywhere if he was the one who was going to leave? I've tried moving on but I still think about them all the time and I feel in my gut like he's the one. I've done everything I can for the relationship but I just can't move on.
- [What Should I do?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8251): Last year I met a girl while at an event. I liked her immediately, and to my surprise she wanted to follow me around all day. We (I think) hit it off. We even share hobbies. We are both ambitious students, so we don't have much time but we did hang out after that. The more I tried to get close the more it seemed like she viewed me as a friend. A bit ago we stopped hanging out. We still talk on facebook (no phone #) and talk in the hall. We are both tutors at our college I tutor math and bio, she tutors chem, so we work in different buildings. I'm not good at chem, so I applied for a tutor not thinking about her. Later she messaged me saying she was my tutor. Last week I went to tutoring, and we hung out after. She said she missed me and wanted to hang out. It seemed like she was giving me some kind of invite. After that she was very active. She messaged me a lot, she even sent me random videos. It seemed like she was making excuses to talk. Tutoring came this week we talked the whole session and hung out after. She made a big deal about giving me her number. She even said that she was going to come by my building to bring me stuff?It seems like she likes me and wants me to do something about it. But I'm bad at reading emotions. I fear everything is just my imagination. I have zero experience with this sort of thing so I'm already scared, and then I'm confused on top. I don't know if it's all in my head. I mean I'm not anything special. What should I do?Do I make a move?If so how?
- [Dumbfounded after snooping](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8250): Now I don't know what to do. I love this man but I am completely blindsided. Do I confront him? How do I approach this?? I am devastated. I really want to have a child and am worried that because of my age this may be my only chance. However I know I can't knowingly bring a child Into this situation. If what I found is real (and I think it must be) can I ever trust him again? We are both intelligent, highly educated professsionals and I keep thinking that I can reason my way out of this...I just dont know how. I haven't told anyone about this as I am mortified.....but am now feeling very isolated.
- [Resentment in long distance](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8249): My bf recently moved away in may to pursue his dream of professional golf. we both knew we didnt want to do long distance & as it got closer to him leaving he cheated on me when he was very drunk one night. he denied that he slept with her & swore by that so i believed him. then the time came for him to leave and it was really tough for us. we planned to keep in touch cause we've been best friend but it ended up being more than that & we basically are talking every single day as if we are doing long distance cause we miss each other so much. He came clean a couple weeks ago that he did sleep with that girl & had been lying about it for months. This was so tough for me because i lost ALL trust i had for him. I have seen a huge change in him day by day & how he does want to build back trust & really wants to make us work. I'm very vocal when i have a problem & what i expect out of him & he says he'll do whatever it takes to make it work. I love him so much & want to make it work as well but i hold so much resentment towards him which is making it so tough & him being thousands of miles away makes it even harder. He could just be going out for a beer & i automatically get mad. its so not right and not me, thats not a relationship i want to be in. but i do want to be with him im just not sure i can move past this resentment i hold towards him and learn to trust him again when hes not even here. How can i let go of being cheated on and lied to to get back to a good place?
- [Sexting moral question](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8248): Hi April, I kind of have a moral dilemma going on here. I found out a few weeks ago that my fiancé created an account on a porn site and is pretending to be a girl on there. He's sexting with multiple guys talking very dirty. I found out about it by accident and when I did I confronted him about it. He was defensive at first and after a few flare-ups he explained why he's doing it: it's just a masturbatory thing, he isn't cheating because he's never going to meet with these guys, and it's a stress reliever from the stress of job searching. He's still doing it, almost every day, for a few hours, whether I'm at home or at work. He also sexts using texting apps on the web. We have sex regularly and he says he's super happy with me. I believe him. We've been together for 4 years and he's made me very happy in multiple ways. I don't know exactly why but this sexting thing is still bugging me even though we've talked about it... Any ideas? Should I be right in being concerned? Is this something normal some guys do? I know that he's pansexual he's made that very clear in the past, that doesn't bug me.
- [How Should I Handle our so far Communicationless 4th Date Eve?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8247): This question is how to handle 4th Date Eve. After a communication-less Monday, I finally heard from him Tuesday evening around 7:30pm and we've had pretty good communication since then. His two sentence email Wednesday evening "I am ready for Saturday to get here. It's been 3 or 4 weeks since I saw you last" was disconcerting to me since had actually been 3 or 4 DAYS, NOT WEEKS, but my sister says "he was being sarcastic meaning it feels like that long." Do you agree with my sister? We have communicated since then, but I have not mentioned that email even though my sister thinks I should. What do you think? Our last two communications are a text from me yesterday morning (responsive to his good morning text without questions) and an email from him last night with no questions. Now 4th date-eve is upon us with no specific plans, such as pick up time, etc. I like the idea of inviting him over for dinner, except that right now I have a clingy elderly mother and teenage daughter at home. There will be times later in the month when both will be out of town and I can pull it off better. For now, though, I still avoid initiating contact on any given day and have yet to hear from him today. What should I do from here now that it is 4th date eve?
- [How to turn a casual business friendship into something more.](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8246): I have a coworker (she works at the desk across from me, but works for a different company and we do different things at the office) that I like a lot. She is beautiful and kind and easy to talk to. We occasionally talk when we are at desks, say good morning to each other, stuff like that. We ran into each other today in the cafeteria and asked me how I was doing, how was my day, etc. She told me something like, do you have any friends in Birmingham? I said no, because I recently moved and I work a lot. She said, "I'll give you my phone number and we can do something on the weekend if you want". Of course I took it and I now am not sure what to do. I want to do something with her, but I also want to turn this into something greater.
- [Not sure what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8245): I work at a very large factory and I'm fairly introverted. About a year ago I got a new position that has me working all over the plant around a lot of different co workers. One area had a woman that I was attracted to. Over time I started seeing her looking at me and turning away when I looked up. Then I noticed she seemed to get nervous a couple of times when I was closer to her to do my work, she would fumble and drop stuff. The next time I'm out there she's nowhere to be seen. I find out she's gone to the opposite shift and won't be back for 3 months. She eventually comes back about a month or so ago. I start saying hi, smiling to her and such. Last week I ended up out there like 3 days out of five instead of the one out of every week and a half like normal. Then one day I'm out there talking to one of her guy coworkers I'd gotten to know and she joins in on the conversation. A couple of hours later I'm walking past her and she stops me and starts a conversation with me. Next time I'm out she smiles and waves as I go by before I'd gotten to her area yet. Later when she sees me talking to coworker again she asks what we're talking about, I'd been telling him to check out a certain TV show I'm into. She loves it the show too. I tell her to check out a new YouTube vid, she says she will. I also find out a woman in my work area was her workout partner at the gym for a while. I ask my coworker if she's single and am told she was 6 months ago, she switched gyms and coworker hasn't had much contact since. At this point I'm really thinking things are going well and planning on asking her out next time I see her.
Then a couple of days later I get kind of blind sided. I get to her area. She's sees me, smiles really big and motions for me to come over to her. She says she watched it and talked about her and her boyfriend watching it. It took me completely off guard, but I think I hid it okay. I didn't say anything about him and just kept on talking about it. Then she tells me that a female friend the next area over got her watching and I need to go talk to her? So, now I'm not really sure what's going on or what to do. What should I do?
- [Should I be concerned over less contact than usual?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8244): I have been on 3 dates with a new man and our 4th date is this Saturday night. He always calls within 48 hours (usually 24) of a prior date to schedule the next for the following weekend. This past weekend he texted me after leaving Saturday night, texted Sunday morning, and called to make our next date Sunday afternoon. I have not heard from him since his Sunday afternoon call and it is now Tuesday afternoon. Last week it seems like I heard from him every day. His contact is usually limited to times outside of the work day, which is understandable since he has a busy job. I just thought I would get an email from his last night, which is usually how he usually communicates during the work week, but I received nothing. I can't think of any awkwardness during our last telephone conversation and, in fact, he asked me whether I am ever available both Friday and Saturday nights to which I answered "Yes, sometimes I am" in my most positive tone of voice (he has had me pick between Friday and Saturday nights heretofore). I've made a point of never initiating the contact between us at this early stage. I can't imagine he would just ghost me after setting a Saturday night date, but should I be concerned over not having heard from him for longer than usual?
- [Ex boyfriend married someone else whilst we were together , feeling hurt and betrayed](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8243): Hi April.
- [Did my text message ruin the relationship forever?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8242): So I'm the guy that came in with the girl that I accidentally friendzoned. For a refresher, here was the original post...
- [Where do I even begin?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8241): I'm a 30 year old that has only been on a handful of dates. I've never had a serious relationship. I'm wanting to start dating but I don't know how to go about it. I have been on a few dates from the dating website eHarmony and they were horrible. I don't date very often because the women in my family have had such bad relationships that it has made me picky. Lately, I have noticed that I'm really wanting to go on dates because I'm lonely. And since this is a private question and only you will see it, you should know that I'm a virgin. So relationships with the opposite sex for me can be very intimidating. I focused on work and the relationships with the rest of my family for so long that I put myself to the side. I don't want to date just for a booty call. I would like the opinion of someone who doesn't personally know me to tell me how to go about this.
- [Love](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8240): Me + my boyfriend are planning a future + want to move out right when I turn 18 cause our parents don't like our relationship his mom has called me bad names acts all nice + says she likes us in person + there's no issue when we are all together for a family event either houses. His dad likes me no issue . My parents like him they say my mom complains about his mom cause they don't get along ends up my boyfriend never wants to come over cause what my mom says my both always tell me to break up with him ends up we always hang out at his house + my parents get mad cause he doesn't want to go to my house + I'm getting tired of going to his house. Both of us are always happy and all good when we hang out alone like in public or at his house alone once we hit family topic + be with family its all hell loose break so that's why we want I to move in with him everything is good when we are together alone he's already given me a promise ring weve already bought stuff for our own apartment + both talk about our future +what we want in our lives and agree not usual for a young guy to talk about a future he's told me he wants to marry me when we get older we both want to me 2 move in with when I turn 18 he will already have an apartment in a couple month's September + it would be like 3 months December when I turn 18. Weve planned it but are scared to tell parents. But for sure we want to do this I need advice would it help our relationship + change things for our parents to acutally see that we do love each other
- [HELP I think the one that got away has got away again. What can I do to fix?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8239): So I've known this girl for about 4 years. We met back in early 2014, but we drifted apart back in early 2016. She always had a special place in my heart, though. We'd see each other at parties here and there after the drift, but that was it.
- [Sexually confused](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8238): i'm a white male in my 50's who is divorced with a high sex drive who loves watching a lot of porn, masterbation, anal play, loves using anal toys, wearing vibrating cockrings, sometimes loves to wear both male and female thongs/g-strings, sometimes loves to wear pantyhose, swallowing my own cum, anything taboo, incest, eating pussy and creampies. In the past have hired most always female escorts with the exception of one time a male escort to experience anal sex with the real thing. I enjoyed it because i had the courage to try something new, tobooish and something erotic. At this time i had already been using anal toys such as a replica of the famous porn star John Holmes penis which was i believe 13" long and after a lot of practice was able to insert the whole penis right down to the ball shaft and enjoyed every minute of it. Also, twice experienced a transgender playmate this time giving anal. I love exploring my kinky tobooish side and fantasize about it often. Sometimes i see these young girls today that wear very tight yoga spandex pants were you can see she's wearing a thon or g-string and it's such a turn on that i fantasize and only fantasize about havimg sex with them. I just love sex and a woman with a great ass. So, i'm a little confused as to what i identify with. I'm i a normal heterosexual male, bi-Curious, bi-sexual, or a male who has subconsciously wishes he was a woman who wants to be a slut. Or am i something else? Please enlighten me as to what this all means. I know one thing for sure is that I don't get enough sex. Also, one more thing...i also have tried at one time to give another man oral but, could not allow myself to go thru with it to it's completion. Lately, i have a strong desire to try it again and allow myself to fully complete oral climax as i swallow every drop. Thinking about it is a turn on. Please, respond back as soon as you can. Thanks
- [I’m in a dilemma and I have no idea what to do now. HELP](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=8237): I'm in a complicated situation... I'm dating a guy for 10 months but lately I started noticing things that made me question our relationship.

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- [Dating for Sex.](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35559): Dating for Sex.
- [Re: Put off sexual relationships](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35937): be busy with your work and you'll forget all easily, trust me .. it worked for me
- [Put off sexual relationships](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35943): I was looking at STi badges before i even got my car, but then i was watching the Grand Tour and Jeremy said something along the lines of "its a sin against humanity to put M badges and grill stripes on a non-M BMW". i said you know what, hes right, he totally changed my mind. its pretty shameful to put a GT badge on a v6 mustang, hellcat logo on a base challenger, STi badges on a WRX, M badge on a 330, the list goes on. what do you guys think of this?
im thinking maybe after you do BBK, boost, and coilovers its ok to call yourself STi BRZ? what else does a tS have that a BRZ doesnt?
what do you guys and gals think?
- [Re: Girlfriend is TORN between her ex-boyfriend of 9 years and me (her boyfriend for 3 months)](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35944): Similarly to this situation but the boyfriend reappearance in the picture was due to a car accident.. Now she in confused more that ever because she feels guilty for having feeling towards him. I'm willing to compete.. Born champ and confident in my ability to win her over.. But I don't know what how to approach it at all.
- [Re: [Standard] Is this break a good thing](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35942): Hey, I'm new to this forum. I broke up with my bf after 4 years of relationships. I feel so depressed now. I don't want nothing. Literally nothing.
I thought he loves me. But I try not to forget that my life is going on
- [Re: Put off sexual relationships](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35941): Hey, I'm new to this forum. I broke up with my bf after 4 years of relationships. I feel so depressed now. I don't want nothing. Literally nothing.
I thought he loves me. But I try not to forget that my life is going on
- [Re: Put off sexual relationships](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35940): Why are you letting yourself down from a saying from an older woman. Instead of worrying, why don't you share your experience? If something was related to your semen, you should definitely read about hyperspermia.
- [Re: Did I come on too strong and can I fix?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35939): I met her two weeks ago and everything started really cool, I show up my feelings to her on the third day and I got a positive answer. All things evolve in a positive way, she told me to send her good morning messages and so on.
- [Re: Did I come on too strong and can I fix?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35938): I met her two weeks ago and everything started really cool, I show up my feelings to her on the third day and I got a positive answer. All things evolve in a positive way, she told me to send her good morning messages and so on.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Relationship difficulty](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35933): The whole discussion on here is so interesting for me. Great forum!
- [Re: [Private] I feel so bored and alone in this relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35936): My advice is to move on. I think you're staying with him because you don't have anyone else and you're afraid of not having a boyfriend. In a nutshell, your fear is keeping you in a relationship that isn't working for you. I say, face your fears. Until you move on, you're not going to be single. And until you're single you're not going to be available. And until you're available, you're not going to know if you can find someone interesting to date or not! My guess is that you'll find someone new and be fine -- but only if you break up with this guy and move on. He's got some issues that are his to deal with. And in a way, you're doing him a favor by letting him know he's got some great attributes, but you want a boyfriend who has his own home, is willing to drive places that are further than 15 minutes, and who will go out with your friends, go out with you, and be a little more flexible. In other words, he's a great guy --- but not for you. You want more. I hope you'll take my advice and move on. This is not your Mr. Right.
- [Re: [Standard] Is this break a good thing](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35934): sometimes if the things are not working fine, then it's the only way to breakup to not worse anything more,try to find another girl who understands you more.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Love Triangle](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35932): I think,there can not be any triangle in normal relationships.
- [Re: love triangle, 2 guys & 1 girl](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35931): What to talk about with a girl during online dating? The question the guys usually ask the girls are short, primitive. The girl must have heard them not once from the guys failing during approach to get acquainted. Therefore, she will not select you from the gray mass of the other guys. And you will receive a negative response to your offer to continue communication. I have thought about this for a long time. And I came to the conclusion that there are no general patterns for each case. Everything is very individual here.
- [Re: [Private] Confused about what he wants](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35930): It seems pretty clear that he likes what he has with you -- but doesn't want any kind of commitment. He wants to keep his profile up on Match.com, play the field, and keep it loose with you, too. He's newly divorced, and he wants to kiss you at work and see you without making official dates. I think you want him to like you more than he does, and to commit to you more than he has, and that you think that by telling him how you feel you are somehow going to progress that agenda. But it won't. It's going to scare him away, or worse, not cause him to make any changes. Bottom line, I think you have to do your best to entice him, and make yourself alluring and someone he wants to win over. If you give that your best shot, and he's just not that interested in you, then the ball is in your court, and you should probably move. Give it a certain amount of time, and if he doesn't act like you're someone he wants a commitment with, in that time, accept that reality. I hope that helps!
- [Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35929): Sweetness of marriage is having your spouse be the same man you married ,while courtship and after marriage.we have been married for 7, but it got more interesting when he comes back home very late than usual.i decided to speak with him in order to know what has been wrong with him or where i have gone wrong.several persuasion proved abortive, this had me down at work and home.From that point i knew something was wrong,all attempt to know who he was seeing outside wasn’t successful, this got me sick and i decided to go for a divorce but my attorney needed some sought of evidence, so my friend suggested this dude to help me hack my husbands phone. I discovered William has been cheating on me for years ! To top that he has 3 children I don’t know of.
- [Re: [Private] Very confused, hurt, scared](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35927): I'm sorry that you're so confused, scared and hurt. The good news is that there are two things you can do. First, slow down your timeline. You're rushing things and that is causing pressure on the relationship, on you and on her. If you meet someone in January, typically, you want to date them for a few months before you decide if you want to be monogamous. When you push for a commitment too soon, you put pressure on the relationship to be something it might not have had time to develop into. I know you had feelings for her, but this timeline gives you the benefit of seeing how those feelings pan out over a few months. Give this gift to yourself and to the relationship. Slow down.
- [Re: [Standard] Should I stay in relationship with fiance who blocked me on facebook](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35925): Your instincts are good, and you are correct. She's dating other men and she doesn't really want you to know about it. That's why she blocked you from social media -- so you wouldn't see her shenanigans there. I'm sorry you are disappointed and that she used you. The good news is that you're finally coming around to seeing that she is not someone who cares about you any more. She's using you and she's treating you poorly. I don't think you should get back together with her. You deserve more than what you've got with her. So, end this in a way that allows you to disengage and move on. Don't lend her money. Don't engage with her on social media. And don't get together with her any more. You've spent too much time with someone who doesn't appreciate you. You deserve better -- and you can get better. ;)
- [Re: [Standard] Stuck in a loop](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35923): You're only as stuck in a loop as you choose to be. More likely, you're simply disappointed. You had a reunion with an old boyfriend and it isn't playing out the way you want it to. You can hang in there and try to wait and see if he changes his mind. You can flirt with him to try and entice him to do so. You can be the aggressor and make things happen because of your own will. But the bottom line is that he's just interested in the same thing you are at this time. And that's why people say that timing is everything. Whether or not the two of you had a connection or feel a spark or crazy chemistry, if one of you is not ready or interested in the same thing that the other person is, if you don't feel these emotions at the same time, then you're not going to be able to move forward with the relationship. That's what's happening here. You mentioned that he has a lot going on in his life and isn't ready for a relationship right now. That's legit, and he's being straight up with you. Don't make yourself crazy by trying to twist that or ignore it. As for the fact that you feel guilty about breaking up with him years ago, it's time for you to move past your guilt. It sounds like your reasons for the breakup were also valid at the time. You were young and not ready for a relationship. I'm sure that anyone reading this can understand that. Forgive yourself, so you can move past that. For now, I think you should be flirty and enticing when possible, but let him be the aggressor and if and when he's ready for you, you can decide if you want in. But for now, you have to readjust and accept what he's telling you. I hope that helps.
- [Re: [Standard] Will she forgive me?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35921): Before you can be in a relationship, you have to take care of yourself. If you don't, the work you have not done on yourself, is going to show up in any relationship you get into. That's what happened here. You let your own feelings lead your behavior, and you acted in ways that were socially inappropriate. For instance, you crossed a boundary by calling the mother of this woman -- when you've never even met her, and you have only been dating her daughter for a month. For anyone peering into this relationship, what you did was throw up a red relationship flag that shows that you've got boundary issues. It sounds like, in addition, this woman's losses triggered feelings in you that created an emotional spiral that you were not well able to control. Bottom line: You have some work to do on yourself. If you want to be in a relationship with someone else, you have to take care of you, first.
- [Re: [Standard] Is it okay to give a guy my blessing to date my soon to be ex wife?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35919): Hi Daniel! The answer to your question is simple: It's inappropriate to go behind your wife's back to tell a man that it's okay if he dates her. Your wife's social life, if the two of you are separated and heading for divorce, is not really your business -- even if you mean well. Your intervening appears to be meddling. It can also be seen as controlling. And, it is going to complicate an already complicated situation: you're married and living together -- but separated and heading towards divorce. I know you think that's a simple lifestyle, but it's actually not. If you don't realize that now, you will -- buckle up! Instead, my advice is to focus on your relationship with wife. If you want to divorced, then get divorced. Start by separating physically and not living together -- even if you both have to move in with friends or relatives to make the separation work. Then, start the legal process. The longer you wait to do these two things, the more complicated your lives will be. I hope that helps.
- [Re: [Private] Affair advice](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35917): I'm sorry you're in this tough situation. It sounds like you were really not ready to marry Amy, but you did. And now you're facing the consequences of that decision. I think that the best thing for both of you, for the long term, is to divorce your wife and find someone -- whether it's Hannah or someone else -- with whom you feel committed. Clearly, the commitment for Amy and for your marriage has not been there. It may be that you don't feel committed to Amy or you're not really ready to get married and commit fully to anyone. Either way, the right thing to do is to end the marriage so both you and Amy can move on. I know that this is going to devastate her and your families, and you're going to miss her and to be hurt in this whole process, as well, but the reality is that you're interested in Hannah, and you're having a hard time letting her go. It's time to man up, rip the bandaid off, take the pain and do what is best for both you and for Amy. I hope that helps. I'm here if you have any more questions.
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35915): I'm very sorry you're unhappy. Unfortunately, she's not ready or interested in a relationship with you, and you're not letting go. This is going to a very unhappy time for you until you do move on. If you re-read my advice from June 2018, maybe it will resonate for you now. You're going to continue to be unhappy if you try to get someone who doesn't want you, to want you. You've given this a very good shot, and you've done so much right -- but for some very good reasons (she's a newly single mother with a lot on her plate, and so many stressors that she's just not ready for a relationship with you), she's not interested. She's tried her best to make this clear to you, but you're continuing to hang in there, and it's making you miserable. Anyone in your shoes would be unhappy. So, why not change your own life, and look for happiness? Find someone who is interested in you and who wants the same things you do, and who values you, to date. It's time for you to move on.
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35914): Hello again. Im so unhappy and don’t know what to do. Liz told me she was unhappy with the re-evaluation of our relationship because it changed nothing. I had pushed for it because we had never made it past 4 months. Honestly I did it because I wanted to make sure. Then immediately after she told me it was unnecessary and has pretty much cut me off with any talk. I want her back and miss her terribly. It has been a month now. I sent her a note, flowers and a letter but no response. What should I do?
- [Re: [Standard] What to expect?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35913): It sounds like the best thing you can do for the relationship is to try and lighten up to take the pressure off of the relationship and off of him. With the new job, roommates, this relationship -- there's a lot going on. Try to focus on maybe seeing him a little less often, to give him time to miss you, and when you do see him, keep it happy and upbeat. Do nice things for him, so he understands you're empathetic to what he's going through. Give him little gifts, bake him cookies, send him love notes and funny jokes. And try to focus on the fun, and not the pressure of being in a relationship. If he feels too stressed in his life, he's going to try and alleviate that stress by reducing things that worry him -- like the relationship. So, for now, keep it light and upbeat. Be empathetic and fun. And balance the relationship with your own individual lives. You're both going into your 20s and there is a lot happening for both of you. Don't pressure yourselves and each other. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need more.
- [Re: [Standard] Am I the other woman or potentially more?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35911): He's got a great set up. He's got his long-term, live-in girlfriend -- and he's got his one-year girlfriend on the side! Whatever he says, the bottom line is that he doesn't want things to change. If he did, he'd change them. Instead, he's saying what he needs to say to keep you in the game, and he's winning at it. Whether or not you're "the other" woman, that's really just semantics. What you definitely are is one of two women that he's with. Instead of wondering why he's doing what he's doing, you should probably ask yourself why you're doing what you're doing. If you want a relationship with a man who is going to put you first, this is never going to be that. Instead of trying to win him over -- which is never going to happen because he doesn't want it to happen -- why not try to find someone who wants just you? It sounds like you're trying to help him overcome some defect that is causing him to date both of you without choosing. Instead of turning him into a project, shine the spotlight on yourself. If you want monogamy, go get it -- with someone who wants it, also. I hope that helps. ;)
- [Re: [Private] So Many Questions](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35909): It sounds like you're overwhelmed at having found someone who isn't your usual type. But since he's 25 years old, and very much an adult, I think you should ask him out and see where it goes. If you're worried about his parents (who may be your age), and their reaction to the two of you dating, then weigh that into the mix. But if you're attracted to this person, and you want to explore a relationship, the only thing holding you back are you anxieties -- and none of them sound like they're worth the regrets you may have if you don't give this a shot. I know you're anxious about this person being younger, being a family friend, and this being a same sex relationship when you're not out and he is -- consider that this is also an opportunity for you to be creative and genuine and see what life is like when you actually live it, instead of lurking in the shadows, harboring future regret. Be you. Go for it! I'm here if you have other questions.
- [Re: [RUSH!] The girl I love thinks I betrayed her because I responded to a text from a girl that I don’t have any feelin](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35907): Hi there: I just responded to your simultaneous post and this is what I wrote: It sounds like she was looking for a commitment from you, and she didn't get it. So, now she's trying to move on. You have to understand that she is a 36 year-old single parent with three kids and she is probably looking for a commitment. Since the two of you have been dating on and off for about four years now, it would seem that you would know if you want to commit to her or not. I'm very sure that's what she is thinking. It sounds like she reluctantly went along with your request to date on the down low for three months and then reevaluate in a talk about the relationship. She was hoping that that would give you the time you needed to decide about a commitment. But when she didn't hear what she wanted, she got upset and that's what you're feeling and seeing. She's not getting what she wants from the relationship. I know you don't want to lose her, but it also seems you're not ready or willing to give her the commitment to keep her. Four years of dating off and on is a reasonable amount of time for you to know. And I think you're just not ready. And she knows that. She's not responding to your texts about dinner because she's not interested in dinner. She wants a proposal or some sort of commitment that the relationship is moving forward. You're at a crossroads in the relationship. Either you propose or you move on. There is a chance that with time, she'll come back to you because she misses you, but right now, she's going to try and find someone who wants a commitment with her. If you're that guy, this is your moment to step it up. But be honest with yourself. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Relationship difficulty](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35906): It sounds like she was looking for a commitment from you, and she didn't get it. So, now she's trying to move on. You have to understand that she is a 36 year-old single parent with three kids and she is probably looking for a commitment. Since the two of you have been dating on and off for about four years now, it would seem that you would know if you want to commit to her or not. I'm very sure that's what she is thinking. It sounds like she reluctantly went along with your request to date on the down low for three months and then reevaluate in a talk about the relationship. She was hoping that that would give you the time you needed to decide about a commitment. But when she didn't hear what she wanted, she got upset and that's what you're feeling and seeing. She's not getting what she wants from the relationship. I know you don't want to lose her, but it also seems you're not ready or willing to give her the commitment to keep her. Four years of dating off and on is a reasonable amount of time for you to know. And I think you're just not ready. And she knows that. She's not responding to your texts about dinner because she's not interested in dinner. She wants a proposal or some sort of commitment that the relationship is moving forward. You're at a crossroads in the relationship. Either you propose or you move on. There is a chance that with time, she'll come back to you because she misses you, but right now, she's going to try and find someone who wants a commitment with her. If you're that guy, this is your moment to step it up. But be honest with yourself. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Relationship difficulty](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13647): Hello April. Yes, I'm back again. After almost a year I started dating Liz in November. Because of the nature of our relationship in the past, I asked her if we could "wait" to go public and be official AFTER 3 months and a "re-evaluation" discussion in February. She insisted that she was "ready" and reluctantly agreed to what I asked. So things had been going along smoothly and last weekend was the date I set and we went away for the weekend and on Saturday we "talked". I honestly knew going into this that what we were going to discuss was "already talked about" over the course of last few months but given our past on again/off again I wanted to go this length of time and see! So we did and we talked. All was good. Then we get home and last week Liz is completely "distant". Finally Saturday she texts me and says that she was "underwhelmed" by the re-evalution and fairly irritated at me because of it because we had talked about all this stuff before. She has accused me of "manipulating" her and the situation and now she says she wants to "put a little distance" between us because of this and she's barely talking to me, only through texts. I'm actually besides myself but I do realize NOW that maybe the whole re-evaluation thing probably wasn't a good idea. I was going with my heart, not wanting to be hurt again and that's why I wanted to "wait" the time. I told Liz through text that in hindsight this probably wasn't the best thing and I apologized but it was done to satisfy my own mind that we could make it. Now she's barely talking to me. What do you recommend I do? I just sent her a text and invited her to dinner but she declined. I'd appreciate any advice I can put into action quickly as I don't want her to slip away.
Thanks.
Bryan
- [Re: [Private] Is it possible this guy has real feelings for me? Should I ask directly?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13646): Feelings and behavior are two separate things, and just because someone has feelings for you doesn't mean he wants the same kind of relationship you do. So, if you can separate out feelings from behavior, you're going to have an easier time of things in the long run. Clearly, Alex likes you. He has feelings for you. He probably even has deep feelings for you. However, I don't think he wants the same kind of relationship that you do, right now. If he did, he'd make that clear. When guys want something, they go for it. He wants to be with you, but he respects you enough to not want to hurt you -- so he's backing away. You made it clear that you want a relationship, and if he wanted the same thing, he'd make that very clear. But he doesn't, so he's not saying anything, but with his actions, he's showing you that he's just not in it for a real relationship. I think it's great that you know what you want, and if you need more clarity than this, I understand you'll want to pin him down with a conversation so you can try to hear the words from him that you need to hear. But, understand that he's already let you know his feelings, with his behavior. He cares for you, but isn't ready for a relationship. Not now. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
- [Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13723): A six year relationship is a big deal, and this break up has got to be very painful for you. I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It must seem like you realize what you did, and how you would like to do things differently now, and you really want him to give you a chance to prove to him that things are different, and that the causes of the breakup were just a glitch, and not your best self. But he's in a different place than you are, and he's not wanting to give you that opportunity right now, because he's testing the waters outside of the relationship and after six years of being in a relationship, he's feeling his freedom and wanting to just have his own space. That must make you frustrated and scared because it probably seems like you'll never get him back. You've got to work through these feelings and understand that this is a process. And you don't have control over him or his feelings. Allow yourself to feel frustrated and scared, but also try to look at the big picture. He may or may not decide, after some time, that he's ready to give things with you another chance. If he does, great. If he doesn't, you had a wonderful relationship. You made some mistakes. And you're going to learn from them. It's also not just your fault -- another man, or maybe this man in a few years with some more maturity, may not have felt your mistakes were such a big deal. Another man might forgive what you did or understand that it was just a blip. The bottom line is that he's doing him, and you have to do you. You can't change him. You can learn from the relationship and be kind to yourself. But for now, you can't force him back. I hope that helps. Let me know if you need anything else.
- [[Private] Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13722): We broke up at first because of misunderstanding he thought I was trying to be rude to one of his friends that is a girl but that wasn't the case. We were fine in the break up after that. Until all of the stuff happened I sent to you prior. I talked to him today and he was pretty much like he doesn't want anything to do with me as of right now. I told him everything that I was going through and that my counselor helped me get through what I've been going through. I told him that he can't just punish me for not being myself. I told him again that I would prove it but he said I can't because it's too much damage. I want to fix the damage and he said that time would tell. Since I pushed him so far away. I want to fix everything I've broken because I really wasn't myself and I'm not happy at my choices yes I knew I was doing them but I physically didnt want to do them mentally I wanted to. I told him that out of the 6 years we've been together he should know me. I havent changed at all while we've been in college until I completely lost myself these last couple of months doing things I wouldn't normal do. I just want to fix everything and have a mature relationship with him. How do you fix so many mistakes and damage.
- [Re: [Standard] 6 year relationship in jeopardy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13461): Since the two of you are broken up, you have to understand that this might very well be over for good. I don't know why you broke up, but I'm sure that the two of you had your reasons and that they were good ones. If you do write to me here again, let me know why you broke up. Because if you do want to get back together again, the reasons for the break up are very important for any make up.
- [Re: [Private] Really just friends??](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13673): I think your instinct to move out and distance yourself -- as far as living together goes -- is a good one. If you don't live together, it's a lot more difficult to blur that boundary between roommates and lovers. If he wants to see you outside of work, and you're not living together, he'll need to ask you out. When you live together, it's too easy for him to slide into an amorphous and confusing relationship with you. But if you don't live together as roommates, he will be forced to make a conscious decision about when and how he sees you outside of the office. That said, let him do the asking and the inviting when it comes to getting together. This is another way for you to help yourself (and him) clarify the relationship. As far as his being your best friend -- time, to divest yourself of that falsity. Clearly the two of you have couples' relationship feelings that are not friend feelings. They're romantic feelings. So clarify the relationship in your own head, first, and then in your behavior, second, so that he has an easier time of making decisions about his behavior towards you. This requires some behavior modification on your part, but you can do it, and it'll help!
- [Re: [Private] Complications on my relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=13900): You mentioned that your boyfriend and his ex are separated -- but are they divorced? That's important. If they are not divorced, then you need to understand that you're dating a man who still feels a commitment to his wife -- even if they are living separately. Lots of people tend to think that just because they're living separately, they're divorced. It's not true. When a couple takes that last step of creating a legal divorce, it shows their commitment to the divorce and separate lives. When they don't do this, they've left the door open for each other. So please clarify if you write again, whether your boyfriend is divorced or not.
- [Re: [Standard] Don’t know if I (F, 20) should pursue a romantic relationship with guy friend/co-worker (M21) bc I am fee](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=30225): Dating is competitive, and I understand that you're scared of rejection, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to get his attention. I think you should compete for him. If you never try, you'll feel much worse than if you try your best and lose out. So take a big picture view of dating, and give this your best shot. Since you've only known him for two months, give him some hints that you'd like to go out with him. Believe it or not he may be having anxiety about being rejected by you! So try to make sure to let him know you're interested by flirting and mentioning things you'd love to do -- like, you'd love to have a date for New Year's Eve! Or that you'd love to have a date to go ice skating with or to see a new movie with. Use the D (date) word so that he doesn't confuse your flirting with friendship.
- [Re: My boyfriend never seems to be satisfied with me – please take the time to help](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=30223): Interesting advice. Thank you!
- [Re: [Private] She reached out](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35905): Yes, ask her out on a date! Don't message her -- pick up the telephone and call her. Women find mens' voices very alluring, and this is a great way to get real time communication cues. And be assertive when you ask her out -- especially since it's been 18 months and you haven't had a single date yet. So tell her you'd love to take her to a concert on Wednesday. If she says she'd like to go, then tell her you'll pick her up at 7. Don't go back and forth. Lock this down! You have to be a closer on this. She doesn't see you as someone who really wants to date her because of all the back and forth over the past 18 months, so you have to change that. You need to be the guy who gets the girl. So, no back and forth -- be assertive. Telephone her, ask her out, tell her what time you'll pick her up, and then tell her you can't wait to see her. Make it simple and make it clear. Good luck!!
- [Re: [Private] My boyfriend has a weird relationship with his sister](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35903): You're right. This is not normal. And it sounds like your boyfriend is angry about something --- otherwise he wouldn't try to to hurt you by saying it's funny that you're pissed off by his posting a photo of his sister with him, as his social media profile page. That mean spirited behavior means he is upset about something. If he's venting to his sister about the relationship, it sounds like there are problems that are not getting worked out between the two of you. It's easy to point fingers at someone being mean, but since you have a commitment with him -- ten years together and two young children -- it's worth your energy to try and change some things to see if that helps. Here are some tips:
- [Re: [Standard] Not 100% sure where I stand with this girl](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35901): She likes you and she wants to date you, but she is waiting for you to make the first move. ;) When she told you that when "everything is settled" she wants to come over and have a few drinks, that was her clue to you that she wants you to take care of business with your wife, and become single so she can date you. When a woman tells you she wants you to have a party so she can come over and have drinks with you, that's your clue! :)
- [Re: [Private] Can’t figure out this woman](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35899): You're doing fine. You're just anxious about rejection, so you want to control the relationship to avoid that. I get it. Now, back to reality where life is fluid. Take a broader perspective. Decide that you're going to do your very best to win her over and balance that commitment with knowing that dating is a numbers game. That is dating smart, and because dating involves two people, that's the best you can do. Ever. Plus, this balanced attitude will make you appear more confident, which is attractive. So, here we go! First, you mentioned that you feel like you're a lot older than she is, even though your actual age gap is not a big deal. To hedge against that insecurity, work on you. Literally. Work out at the gym, get some new clothes, dial up your grooming, learn about social media and technology and read up on everything that you feel is youthful. Give her someone to notice and admire. This is something you can do on your own, so that makes it easy. ;) Next, enjoy the fishing date that is coming up tomorrow. Get to know each other, do everything right -- bring her flowers or a little gift, pick her up and drop her off, listen and ask her about herself -- even though you've known her for 20 years. Err on the side of chivalry. If her husband went off the rails, you be the guy who won't go off the rails. Show her your best self. As for the cookout, since she's already invited, don't make that a date -- just pay special attention to her when she's there. And if the fishing date goes well, wait a couple of days and then around Tuesday or Wednesday, ask her out for a second date for the following week. Her response will make the cookout something to look forward to (if she says yes to the date), or a little awkward if she says no. Regardless, don't avoid -- that's the part that is making you feel like a high school kid -- the avoidance because you're concerned about rejection. Man up and ask her out and be the best date you can be. If she's ready to date, and she likes you enough to continue dating, awesome. And if things flop a little, that's okay too. But move forward with these steps... and let me know if you need anything else.
- [Re: [Standard] Family Undermining](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35897): The best way to get them to stop undermining your relationship is to not try to get them to stop. ;) In other words....You can't control them. And if you try to, you'll be miserable and will probably fail. But, what you can control is you! :) So when they do their thing, and act out, take a different tact. Kill them with kindness. Or, find your sense of humor. Or, ignore them. Spend less time with them. And that's just for starters. What you're doing has led you down this path. If you continue what you're doing, expect more of the same, but if you change your own behavior, there's a much better chance they'll change theirs.
- [Re: [RUSH!] hurt, heartbroken and confused](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35895): I'm not sure of the timeline here -- but when she sent you the text saying that she wanted to slow things down, that was a hint, to you that she was not interested in a serious relationship. Everything else she did after that just emphasized her lack of commitment to you and the relationship you have with her. After that initial text, she was up and down and all over the map. The only consistency she has shown is that she's inconsistent! And from the way you wrote your last paragraph, it sounds like this dynamic is a deal breaker for you. If it's not, and if you're up for more inconsistency, there's more to come. It really seems that's on the table. But the problem here is that you want a serious relationship that is consistent and drama free, and no matter what she says, or how much sex she has with you, she doesn't. She invokes drama and gives you emotional whiplash. This drama may be because she doesn't want a serious relationship or because this is how she conducts all her relationships and this is what she's used to, but bottom line is that she's not going to offer you stability and that's what you want in a relationship.
- [Re: [Private] Soulmate who crushed my heart](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35892): Since you're newly separated and getting back into the dating world, you need a dating refresher course! ;) I can help you. First of all, dating is a process that takes time. Spend the first three months of dating someone to decide if you want to continue dating them, and the second three months to decide if you want to be monogamous. This longer time frame gives you a chance to get to know each other and that will help you avoid heart ache. ;) Expect that anyone you're dating during these first three to six months is playing the field. This is just healthy. When you try to restrict someone, you wind up with problems. Lastly, it's never a great idea to sleep with someone on the first date because women tend to try and leverage sex into love. Just because he slept with you doesn't mean he's committing to you. You were willing and he was ready. If you can follow these rules, you'll have an easier time.
- [Re: My boyfriend never seems to be satisfied with me – please take the time to help](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35783): My fiance's ex 100%. She is emotionally unstable toward my fiance. It interferes with her ability to co-parent or parent their daughter consistently. (She has had lice 6 times in 1.5 years, this is one example) BECAUSE of this stress my fiance acts like yours. Sometimes I can't believe some of the things he says to me or how he acts. He acts out when he gets overwhelmed. I have learned that when he criticizes me, he does it because he feels inadequate. Once I point this out to him he gets it and apologizes and stops. When he is being angry or negative I know he is again, feeling inadequate but more toward financial responsibilities, thinking he is not "providing" us with what we deserve. I take in to account that he has spent his life being told he is not good enough by the females in his life. His father also died when he was a teenager leaving him with no male role model. I remain patient with him and point out, no matter how pissed he gets, when he is acting out and why it is wrong. Then I tell him a better way to have handled the emotion/situation. If he gets pissed I say my peace and give him space. He is not trying to be a jerk. I truly believe he lacks direction and believes he is nothing. So I remind him everyday what I love about him, praise him and I don't take any of his criticism personally. It is always caused by something eating at him deeply. I shift the struggle into helping him process his emotions in a healthy way and show him love and support. It is a lot of work, but I had someone walk out of my life when I really needed them to be by my side through the same type of issues within myself. If you love him and see yourself happy with him working toward common goals then keep going. A counselor may be able to break down what you are trying to get through to him. It has united us so much more and has given us hope. We also listen to a lot of Tony Robbins and live by the Law of Attraction. Faith goes a long way.
- [Re: [Private] Friend Zoned and maybe lost her now](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35891): You didn't lose her -- because she was never yours to lose. ;) From day one she made it clear that she wasn't ready to date you because she's still hung up on her exes. And when you finally did get her to go on a date, she made it clear with her behavior, by talking about her exes on the date, that she's not ready to be a good date. Now, she's pulled back even further and I think it's time for you to retreat, as well. I agree that you shouldn't be in the friend zone -- so don't be. Don't befriend her. Instead, shift your focus towards other women who are ready and interested in dating you. Compatibility is important, and she doesn't share the same relationship goals that you do. If you want to wait six or twelve months and give it another shot, she may be more over her exes by then. But for now, move on. She's not interested, and she never really was. Remember that dating is a numbers game, and you have to play the field and date a few women (at the very least), to find that one you're compatible with. It's great to have a good time over dinner and drinks, but that's not enough. You need someone with the same relationship goals that you have. Go out there and find her! Next!! :)
- [Re: [RUSH!] Long-time friend – not sure about his feelings or what to do next…?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35889): He doesn't want a traditional relationship and the two of you agreed to be friends with benefits, plus he's brought up the fact that the doesn't think you should wait for him because he's not worth it. These are all signs that this is going to be a solid friends with benefits relationship, and that he's not interested in more right now. If that's what you want, then proceed. But I don't think it's what you want -- I think you want a relationship that has a strong emotional connection in addition to the sexual experiences and I think you want some continuity and someone who's going to be in contact more frequently and regularly. He's not offering this -- so you've decided to take what he is offering so that you don't lose the relationship altogether. In other words, you cut yourself a deal that isn't really what you want, and now you're trying to figure out how to leverage it into more. :? This is a tough position to be in -- but lots of people with not that much dating experience get themselves into this kind of a pickle. So, here are some options. You can continue with what he's offering, and try to understand that you agreed to this and he's been upfront about the terms of the relationship. Or, you can change your own behavior and only accept dates where he shows you that he values your time beyond sex, and wants to take you out, show you off, and make sure you're happy. This means you'll have to say no to dates that just involve sleeping over and napping and hanging out -- and the risk is that he won't ask you out on romantic dates and the relationship you have will fizzle away. Or, you can play the field and get to know other people and date other guys while you're waiting for him to show up next. This is probably what he's doing, and it'll give you more of a sense of control over your life. But as long as you try to get him to show you emotions he doesn't really have for you, you're going to be frustrated. I hope you can consider this advice -- and if you need more, I'm here for you.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Long-time friend – not sure about his feelings (UPDATED)](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35888): Thank you for your advice! Things have progressed:
- [Re: [Standard] The infamous line – We need to talk!](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35887): This is a guy who likes drama. It keeps him from being bored, and he enjoys it. For him, it's a sport. That's why he cheats on his wife, and he cheats on his girlfriends -- it amuses him. He likes the intrigue and the relationship puzzles he creates and solves, without regard for the feelings of the people who are the pieces in these puzzles. He isn't looking for love -- he's looking for drama. He's tried to stir it up with you several times, and this latest attempt to contact you is yet another attempt on his part. You seem to want a relationship that is based on honesty, loyalty, romance and fun -- but you won't get it with this guy. You may get some short term thrills and some short lived romance, but he's not someone for the long-run. My advice is to ignore his "We need to talk!" text. It's bait -- and you're the fish he's trying to hook. If you take the bait, he'll reel you back into his drama. And you'll wind up back here, eventually. Why not start fresh with someone else, instead? Play the field. Find a guy who's more interested in a relationship than he is with drama! Hope that helps!
- [Re: [Standard] This is really making my mind go crazy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35885): Good advice -- and good luck from me, too!
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35884): I went back and looked at your posts to me about this relationship, and I think there are a couple of things you have to remember: 1) You two met while you were married to other people. 2) You only started dating after you got divorced a year ago. So while you've known each other and been close for 4 years, this relationship is a little unusual because it's probably a first for both of you, post-divorce. That's a big deal. And it's easy to put a lot of emphasis on this relationship because it's a first after divorce. 3) She's been all over the map lately, and it's because she's looking for a way out. You're taking her words at face value, but her behavior is indicating that she wants to move on. Her reasons are sensible, not sensible, emotional, irrational -- she's newly divorced and so are you, and there's a lot going on in your lives. My advice is to let go and move on. If in a year or two you're both still single and you're still interested, you should ask her out -- but if you read your last few posts to me you'll see that she's just put you through the ringer because you want in and she wants to move on. You don't hate each other and there has been no drama, so it's hard to see that this is over, but she's starting to create drama that will lead to a blowout to end things. People do this unconsciously sometimes when a partner doesn't move on. I'm so sorry that this is difficult for you, but I think your best move is away from her. Play the field. Find other women to date. And give yourself a year or two of dating other people before you even think about her again. I hope that helps.
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35883): Hi April. I'm back again. Before and while I was on vacation I would send Liz a text. She would respond and this continued. When I went on vacation I still continued to text but then for a couple of days I stopped and waited until I got home. That's when it all broke loose. We texted some more and then on the weekend she sent me a long text saying she had "come to peace" with me not being a central part of her life anymore and wanted someone who would be there all the time. (because I didn't text for a few days). She said she did not want the "emotional pull" of popping in and out every so often. (Actually SHE is the one who did this. I NEVER did and it was always her who would say she wanted a "break" for a while, etc. I told her that but of course she didn't agree. She told me if I was ever in a pinch and needed her to call but that was it and I told her I would respect her wishes and not contact her. I said thanks and that was it. This all came about on Monday. There's been no contact since. Of course I am devastated and feeling numb and lost. She has been a major part of my life (besides kids and work) for over 4 years. Do you have any advice or suggestions for me at this point and do you think she might ever "come around" again? Thanks. Bryan
- [Re: [Standard] This is really making my mind go crazy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35882): Don't say anything blindly. You have just passed 6 weeks with that girl. But I think you spent more times to judge that girl. Good luck!
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35881): In February, I suggested you give the relationship a break and you did -- and as a result, she popped up! Now, I'm suggesting that you take control. You're the guy. You have to get this relationship on track. If you want to date her, then you have to do that. Call her up, ask her out for dinner. Send her roses. Make sure that there is no mistaking your intentions. And if she isn't interested in dating, then you shouldn't waste your time. No matter how great someone is, if you don't have shared relationship goals, there's no sense sticking around. It sounds like you don't want to do this, since I suggested it last time, and you're now saying that you're more comfortable waiting for her contact you. I know that rejection is scary, but if you don't face up to what your true goals are, then you're going to waste time and energy. Plus, if you want to date her, you make it super clear and she turns you down and you move on, she has a true chance to miss you. If you're always there in the background, in some form of a friend zone swamp, she knows that all she has to do is pick up the phone and you're there. I'm suggesting you take control and power in the relationship and let her know you like her and want to date her -- but have enough self esteem and self worth to not stick around indefinitely waiting for her. I hope that helps! Let me know if you need anything else.
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35880): April, As I told you in my last message, I was going on vacation. Liz and I stayed in contact at the time before we left and then she "kind of dropped off the face of the earth" while we were gone. I ONLY heard from her IF I initiated the text and then maybe it was only a one word response. So, nothing the last two days of trip and then got home and nothing. Should I just leave it and wait to see if you she eventually texts me or should I reach out first? I'm thinking that I should let her do it first in order to see if she's truly interested. This is really bothering me so I'd appreciate any input. Thanks. Bryan
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35879): You have to turn the dynamic around and take charge. So, when she asks (or complains) about your texting, instead of being defensive, take the offense! For instance, you can say, I didn't know you wanted so much of me. ;) Good to know! Or something like that where you spin things so that you're the aggressor and you're the one taking the reins. It's also time to ask her out on a date. :) Since you're going away on Wednesday with your kids, let her miss you. 8-) (That seemed to work before.) You can send her flowers if you want, but make sure that you include a flirty, sexy note that lets her know that you want to take her out when you get back. And then follow through with the date. You have to create your own destiny here and be the guy who goes for and gets the girl. Sitting back won't do it. And if she isn't interested in dating you, then that's really good to know -- so you don't waste your time. I get the feeling you're worried about rejection, and that's okay, but not if it keeps you from moving forward with her -- and part of moving forward means finding out if she's someone who will move forward with you. If she says no, then that's a gift because it's clarity. And if she says yes, it's because you asked! Just make sure you don't stay stuck. That's what you want to avoid.
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35878): So I just responded that I didn’t want to seem like a pest. Nothing more was said and we’ve continued texting ever since.
- [Re: [Standard] Is this break a good thing](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35877): I think you should move on. This guy isn't interested in you enough to make a commitment. It's great that you had chemistry and liked each other, but after four months of dating, he wasn't interested in more. That's the moment when you could have known that he's not your Mister Right and moved on. But, since then it's been off and on with breaks and separations and no real commitment or excitement about your being together. It's almost as if this relationship never really took off. Normally, when you start dating someone, after three months, you've both decided whether or not you want to continue dating each other. If you both do, then after six months, you decide if you want this to be monogamous. It doesn't seem like either of those relationship goals have arrived with a thumbs up, so that's why I think you should move on. It's great to have feelings and chemistry -- but if you want a commitment, there has to be more. There has to be a mutual commitment to the relationship, to monogamy and to a future together with some shared goals. You can do better with someone else -- but that requires letting go and moving on. I hope that helps!
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35875): I'm so glad you took my advice -- and it looks like it's paid off! She's back. Sometimes people want what they can't have, so that when you back off, they think you're more valuable and come towards you. It's a funny dynamic, but it's a sure thing. Now that she's texting you daily and you've talked about dating again, it's time to take control -- I think that what's been bothering you is that you haven't. Your instinct is that you don't want to fall into the friend zone -- and that's a good instinct. So you have to give her the message that you like her, and you're happy to be back in touch like this, but you're only interested in her as a romantic partner -- not as a friend. The way to do this is to ask her out on a date. Make it romantic, specific and flirtatious. Let her know you want to date her. If she backs off or does anything that indicates she's friend zoning you, then let go of the friend zone relationship. She can't miss you and realize she's made a mistake if you stick around as her friend, so put your money where you mouth is and show her what you're interested in by asking her out. Hope that helps!!
- [Re: [RUSH!] Love Triangle](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35874): There's a lot of "junk" going on here and the best thing you can do is rise above it. Try not to engage Betty and Doug. In fact, keep a civilized distance. They've got drama written all over them. And if Betty tries to engage you in conversation to suss out what you and Robert have done or are doing, just smile and remember that you have a phone call to make! Same thing goes if she tries to talk to you about her feelings for Robert. Suddenly remember that you promised to take your mother out to buy a hat. In other words, politely disengage. Don't worry if it's awkward -- awkward is better than a drama swamp. There's nothing good that's going to come from someone who tries to block your romance, when she's already seriously dating someone else and blacks out drunk. Next! As for Robert, don't engage him in any more conversation about Betty or Doug. If he brings something up, take the high road. If he doesn't, don't stoop and gossip. This is all a great opportunity for you to practice being your higher self!
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35873): Hello April. I'm back again. I took you advice earlier this year but now I'm back again. To refresh you, I had dated Liz for a while. Then earlier this year she abruptly broke it off saying she had too much in her life going on. For a little while I didn't hear much from her but in the last month or so she texts me every day, sometimes several times a day, asks about traveling with me (my work allows me to travel) and just last week met up with me for Breakfast. We chatted for a couple hours but there has not been talk of "dating again". I know you had told me earlier this year to give her time and space. I've done that and I've NOT pushed her for anything. However, I do miss dating her and spending time with her. I don't know if I should continue in this manner until she brings up something else or if I should fall out of the picture? As I said, there's been no talk of anyone else in the picture and she will occasionally bring up "future" trips with me or doing this or that with me. Actually, this whole situation is really bothering me. I want so much more with her and not having it is driving me crazy. Any advice/suggestions you have would be appreciated.
thanks.
Bryan
- [Re: [Private] Was he really serious about me?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35871): This is all about timing. You were only dating for one month -- and a lot can happen in that first month of dating. In fact, the first three months of dating are the time to decide if you want to continue seeing each other, so committing during the first month, is premature. I know you want a commitment, and that's good and fine, but it's not realistic to rely on anyone who says during the first month of dating that this is it, and you're "the one". It's too soon. He may have been completely genuine in his intentions, but the reality is it takes a while to know each other and that kind of early commitment is jumping the gun. Relying on that early commitment created relationship pressure for both of you that would not be there if you'd both waited a while to commit. ;)
- [Re: [Standard] This is really making my mind go crazy](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35869): Don't make a mountain out of a molehill. ;) If your six weeks of dating are going great when you're together, and the only problem is that she doesn't respond as quickly or as often as you'd like, let this one ride. I know you're official -- but it's only been six weeks of dating. You still have a lot to get to know about each other. And just because she drops out during the day, doesn't mean she doesn't like you, is cheating on you, or is intentionally ignoring you. She's probably focused on work, friends, family and all those wonderful things that make her a well-rounded person. ;) Also, people who work out of their homes may give the impression of having lots of free time or more control over their time than they actually do. So her casual work set up may actually be more intense than you think, and when she drops out it's because she's focused on work.
- [Re: [Standard] Did I stuff it up already?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35867): He's never had a girlfriend before, so he doesn't understand that he was rushing things. He was just excited. Usually, people spend the first three months of dating to decide if they even want to continue seeing each other -- because there's so much to learn about each other. Meeting parents in the first two months is jumping the gun. You don't know each other well enough to invest that kind of commitment and it puts pressure on a relationship that keeps you from getting to know each other naturally -- in fact, what happened to the two of you is exactly what I'm talking about. You weren't wrong to put the breaks on -- but breaking up with him over this issue was overreacting. And that's what happens when there is too much pressure on a couple. Next time you feel pressured in a relationship, try to find an upbeat and positive way to respond -- for instance, suggest that next month would be better to meet the parents because you'll know each other so much better by then. Or suggest that you'd love to meet his parents -- and ask him what he thinks about having 10 dates (or make up some number), before doing that. In other words, validate his desire, but also suggest an alternative or a way to expand on what he wants. Shutting the relationship down altogether was your reaction to the pressure he was imposing by trying to create a meeting with his mother too soon.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Long-time friend – not sure about his feelings or what to do next…?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35800): I think he likes you and he's attracted to you, but he's not in any rush to get a relationship going. Therefore, the best thing you can do is to play it cool. Give him the time and space to miss you and to ask you out. You're on different "clocks" and you're pushing to move things forward, but you might make him feel pressured by doing so. And if he is interested you'll get better results by playing it cool. So since you texted him on April 25, and he's not a big texting person, don't text again -- unless he texts you first. Instead, give it a few weeks or a month, and if you want to reach out and invite him to do something, then you can do that (by calling him) and see how he responds. The only reason that may be a problem is that he may be someone who is happy and ready to go out and be with you sexually, when you invite him, but he isn't as interested in being the one to get or keep the ball rolling himself. That's going to be dissatisfying to you over the long run. I think you're confused because you like him and he likes you -- but you're ready for more of a significant, regular relationship, and you haven't gotten a clue from him that he's on the same track. So play it cool, and understand that he may be a guy who likes you a lot -- but isn't ready for a relationship. I hope that helps! Let me know if you need anything else.
- [Re: What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35864): I'm glad you're happy. I'm not an advocate of "spells". I believe that if you want to work through on a relationship, and make decisions based on your behavior, your goals, and your partner's behavior and goals, you'll learn relationship tools that you can take with you into other relationships -- whether they're romantic, parental, workplace, neighborly or any other kind! If you need any help with your current relationships and you'd like me to advise you, I'm more than happy to do so! Let me know if you have any questions in the future. :)
- [Re: What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35863): I want to use this medium to thank powerful Dr Amigo wonders for helping me get my broken home back after my wife of 12 years left me for another lady. Two months ago my wife filed for a divorce through her lawyer when we had no issues at all. i was surprised because our family was a very happy one with three beautiful kids that even neighbors were jealous of us. i never knew a man she met at the mall cast a spell on her so she would love him alone and forget about her family. i tried all ways to reach her and make peace ordinarily but i could not because the potency of the spell was so high on her that she could not even get herself. a friend of mine who felt pity for me introduced me to Dr Amigo so i contacted Dr Amigo and told him all about my marital problems. He assured me that he will help me and that my wife will be back to me in 24 hours, i trusted him because he had worked for my friend who wont stop testifying about him. To my greatest surprise, after 24 hours of contacting Dr Amigo and following his advice to provide for what he requested, my wife called and was begging and immediately came back to us and now we are happy family again. i cant stop thanking Dr Amigo and his entire temple.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Surprise 5 day trip to Vegas without me](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35862): Trust your instincts. I know you don't want to, because the implications may mean that she may not be your Ms. Right, and there may be an uncomfortable conflict brewing if you say no to her, but you're 100% correct in thinking that you shouldn't automatically be paying for a five day "bridal shower" in Vegas, given your concerns about her past. Typically, a bridal shower is an afternoon lunch or tea. Not a 5 day ordeal in Vegas. A bachelorette party may be a night or a weekend in Vegas -- but rarely is it five days because most people don't have that kind of free time. In addition, if it was legit, there would be a wedding invitation, to which she'd be asking your to be her plus one guest. So, it sounds like this is more of a wild vacation with friends, than anything else. And since you have problems with her past behavior with these friends from her past, it's time for a conversation with her about relationship boundaries and expectations.
- [Re: [Private] Help on a confusing situation!](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35860): It sounds like you and this guy, who live in different countries, are interested in each other, but he hasn't made a move to get things going in a romantic fashion. I think that's why you're probably finding the situation confusing. You've both confessed that you're not dating anyone else, are interested in each other and have been giving each other mixed messages. You're probably thinking, "Well, NOW what??" Right? First, hang back a little. This is a long-distance relationship and it's easy to let confusion get in the way of all the good stuff. Understand that it's important to focus on fun and getting to know each other. If you can see each other regularly and talk and text regularly, that always helps. To offset that confusion, keep your side of the street clean. In other words, let him know how you feel with your behavior. Flirt with him. Send him little gifts. Be upbeat when you connect, and if you're tired, stressed or in a bad mood, wait to connect with him -- you don't have the luxury of making up on the weekend if you're in Singapore and he's in Los Angeles! So, do your best to keep things upbeat because of the distance. With this encouragement in your behavior, he will gain the courage to ask you out on a date. The structure and validity of a traditional date will give you security because you'll know where you stand. The confusion you're feeling is because you don't have that right now -- but if you do show him with your behavior, how you feel, that should diminish.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Ghoster](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35858): Definitely give him space. That's a good instinct on your part. Let him have the chance to miss you (as much as you miss him). If he does, he'll contact you. If a few weeks go by and you don't hear from him, you can assume that for whatever reason, he's not interested in more right now. If you want to give it one last try, wait a few weeks, and then shoot him a funny photo of you at the place where the two of you met with a message that is catchy and non-committal -- for instance, you found yourself back at the ranch, and wondered how he's been doing. Don't ask him a question -- just make a statement like that so he can choose to reach out or not.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Ghoster](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35857): Is there any way I can tell which one it is? I’ve tried to text him, just once since the wedding incident and I haven’t heard anything. Should I just wait around? I’m trykng to give him lots of space. I don’t want to let this cloud my judgement and being newly divorced, I want to focus on myself but I miss talking to him. He kinda had the whole package. Just kinda feeling like I got gut punched.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Ghoster](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35856): I think it was a combination of things that happened. 1) He is newly divorced and hasn't really started dating yet, so he's rusty and apprehensive. Getting back out there after a divorce is tougher for some people than others, and because he's newly divorced, and it hasn't even been a year since the divorce for him, he may have not been ready to do more than he did. Sometimes it's two steps forward and one step back when you're getting back to dating. 2) In addition, it's only been a few weeks since you've known each other, so let the timeline play out. I know it's hard to slow down when you like someone and you've slept with him. But give this a few months before throwing in the towel. He's got to sort through some conflicting information -- like his telling you he wasn't looking for anything serious, and you telling him the same... but then having sex together on the first date -- because sex always changes things, and it made you feel more connected to him. Give him a little time to miss you and to process his feelings. 3) Also, since you're going through a divorce now, he may have realized you're still married, and that may have been an obstacle for him. I know you feel divorced, but he may have talked to a friend or his family and they may have told him that since you're still married, not to get involved or to get serious. They may be protecting him -- whether or not he needs protection. 4) And lastly, sometimes people just don't click. And that's nobody's fault! You basically had one first date which was sex at his house -- and whether a first date is a boozy hook up or dinner and a movie, lots of relationships don't get past the first date because it's just not a match no matter how great things may have appeared to have gone. Consider these four reasons for his behavior, and let me know if you have any more questions!
- [Re: [Standard] Unsure on what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35854): It sounds like you dated, but slid into the friend zone, and now, a few years have gone by, you've graduated from college, and you find yourself only two hours away, wondering what could be. I know you don't want to risk the friendship, but you're at the age where you may lose this opportunity if you don't take it. Imagine if she started dating someone else and it got serious. The friendship you have with her would change. Her focus would be on her boyfriend, and you'd be someone from her past that she sees now and then. I think that it's time to get out of the friend zone and take a risk. You may find out that the two of you really enjoy taking things to a more romantic level at this point in your lives -- and if you don't, then at least you'll have tried. The worst thing you can do is to not give it a shot, and to have regrets. So hedge against that -- and go to dinner with her, and make it romantic. See what's there. You may find your feelings are different, as are hers. As for family match making...
try not to think about your family and her family -- and just focus on what you like about her, and give it a go. You're only two hours away now, and you've both grown, matured, and had some life experience under your belt. Use this potential dinner as opportunity. Meet up, show her a romantic good time, and see if there are any sparks. ;) Seize the day!
- [Re: What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35852): It is very serious matter. Everything was going well but your ex. messed up everything due to jealousy. It seems your BF loves you but also make himself ready to accept your past and it is obvious. If you want your Bf back then you should talk to him and assured that there is nothing in between you and your ex. If he really loves you then he will understand you and come back to you.
If he will not do so then it will be better to live alone with your kids and give them a better life.
- [Re: What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35851): It is very serious matter. Everything was going well but your ex. messed up everything due to jealousy. It seems your BF loves you but also make himself ready to accept your past and it is obvious. If you want your Bf back then you should talk to him and assured that there is nothing in between you and your ex. If he really loves you then he will understand you and come back to you.
If he will not do so then it will be better to live alone with your kids and give them a better life.
- [Re: [Private] Is he a serial o/l dater, fear of commitment or maybe it’s me](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35850): Online dating can be a great tool for meeting, going out on dates, and having relationships -- but it can also be full of pitfalls, and there are a couple of rules I have that might help you avoid those pitfalls. For instance, if you meet someone online and they haven't asked you out on a date within three months of meeting, move on. There are people who use online dating sites to feel less lonely and to avoid certain parts of their lives -- not to have a real, in-life relationship. By seeing if this guy is really interested in real life dating, give him the three month test -- and then move on.
- [Re: What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35848): Interesting points! :)
- [Re: [Private] All about Friendship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35847): I'm sorry about the word limit, but it's actually a great way to get people to focus on the problem they're having and articulate it succinctly. If you need to post again to get your entire message in the 2200 word limit box -- I'm still here! All that said, It sounds like you care about this young woman, but you're confused about your own feelings for her. I think you probably like her romantically, but you describe your feelings as sisterly. There is a big gap between protective, sisterly feelings and protective, romantic feelings. ;) I think you're also concerned about these other guys she's befriended because they may be competition for you if you want to date her -- and you're worried about that. So, the first thing you have to do is to become clear about what you feel for this woman. Do you want to date her? Do you want to hang back and be her friend? Or would you rather just be a classmate? If you're not sure, then take some time to figure it out. But if you do want to date her, you have to get out of the friend zone. That means understanding she's not your sister -- she's someone you'd like to date. If you can realize that that's what you want, then what you have to do is ask her out on a date. Invite her to have a drink with you on a weekend. Or to go to the beach, play tennis, go hiking, see a movie -- and let her know you'd like to take her on a date, so that she's clear -- and you're clear -- about your feelings for her and your intentions. I hope that helps. If you want to write again, feel free to put your attachments into this 2200 word box, so I can consider them, as well! :) I hope this helps.
- [Re: What should I do, how can I get him back](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35845): First things first, your ex could be over you.
- [Re: [Standard] hang ups](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35844): Yes, you should talk to her about this painting and it's meaning to her. You've been dating for six months, and since you both want to continue and see if you can make a future together, learning more about each other, and about what's important to you both, is going to create intimacy and build a strong relationship. So, yes, yes, yes -- definitely talk to her about how important this painting is to her, and the meaning behind the importance.
- [Re: [Standard] Not putting in effort in relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35843): This is a great opportunity to have a discussion about the relationship and brainstorm creative solutions! :) These seemingly small challenges can actually be helpful to you, as a couple, to build communication, intimacy and problem solving techniques that you can use again and again in the relationship. I think that you have to get across that this is an opportunity for compromise and fluidity and that you have to try different possible solutions. For instance, if you have a working car, and your own work schedule isn't too demanding, you'd love to pick her up. But that if your car is in the shop for repairs, or if it's very late at night and you have a big work day tomorrow, you'd appreciate it she could either get a ride from a colleague, take a taxi or use public transportation. Another option is to move closer to her work so the commute isn't so long, or to have her stay overnight at a colleague's house -- one who lives close to the airport -- when she arrives home late at night And still another option is to get a better job or a second job, yourself, so that you can afford a car that is not in the shop so often or a home that is closer to her work. Bottom line here is that this problem requires both of you to be empathetic, creative and willing to try different options to overcome a financial and a commuting issue as well as a decision on who does the driving when. Try to have the discussion when you're both well rested and relaxed -- not when she's just landed late at night, or is ready to walk out the door. I hope that helps!
- [Re: [RUSH!] Long distance breakup](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35842): I'm so sorry you're hurt after two and a half years of long-distance romance. It sounds like she isn't interested in the same thing you are -- she wants to keep the distance between the two of you without any "end game" in sight. You sound like you want more -- more intimacy, more closeness, more visits, and maybe even marriage. She likes the contact with you, but she isn't really interested in more. You have to admit, it's strange that she won't give you her home address after two and a half years of online dating. That doesn't sound like someone who's waiting to get to know a man before she opens up -- that sounds like someone who wants to control the distance and the boundaries, and who doesn't want to get closer to you than she is.
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35838): I think you should have give the relationship a break. She sounds like she's got a lot on her plate and is having trouble handling it all. Work, (failing) school, three kids, co-parenting with an ex, and dating you is a combo that's going to be a lot for anyone! For some people, a happy relationship is a respite from stress. But for her, because she hasn't processed the best way for her to date and be a single parent, it's place to lay blame for the problems in her life. Until she does the work, and figures out how she's going to deal with the loss of control that comes with single-parenting and dating, she's going to struggle in this arena. You can suggest that she come up with a plan or a structure to better help her deal with the way she does or doesn't tell her kids about dating -- but it may just get her steamed because it'll feel like you're asking her to do more work. The reality is that until she takes responsibility for dating as a single parent, and the way it affects her kids, and how she wants to handle that, you're dating someone who's not really ready to be dating. :?
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35837): Hi April. I'm back. I have another situation. I've been dating Liz and things have been progressing slowly (which we want) and I've been happy and she said she has. Then I get the following from her:
- [Re: [Private] The guy I am dating completely disappeared](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=25788): I read your last posts about this guy and it sounds like he really likes you -- but he's running a different "relationship program" than you are. You're looking for commitment sooner, and he's great when he's with you, but when he's not with you, he's focused elsewhere. I think there were also some bumps in the road early on that may give him pause from getting too involved, too soon. Bottom line, he's moving slower than you'd like, with less connection between dates than you'd like, and he's not offering you the security you want (yet). But is this over? No. He's just behaving differently than you're used to and than you want. But if you're willing to stay in the game and stay cool with these differences, anything could happen!
- [Re: Not sure what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35835): I'm so glad you invited her to have lunch -- but I think you have to come on stronger. :) You got a vague answer from her because your question was somewhat vague. So now, instead of letting her run the show, it's time for you to take charge. :P No more emojis and liking emojis -- instead tell her you got a reservation at a great restaurant -- hoping she'd say yes to dinner. And ask her if she'd like to have dinner with you on Friday at 7 at a specific place. In other words, make the reservation and ask her out on a date. If she says yes, you've got a date!! If she says no -- and it's because the particular date is not good, then ask her in that moment if the next Saturday night is better? In other words, pin her down for that date you want. ;)
- [[Standard] Re: Not sure what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35834): Ok, I asked her to meet me for lunch. I thought that would be the best to feel out the situation with her (ex?)BF where we could talk away from work. Also, I've got an injury that's got me off work for at least 3 weeks and she's been taking classes part time before work. Here's how the conversation went:
- [Re: [Private] I’m not sure if breaking up was the right thing to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35833): You definitely did the right thing in breaking up with him, because you want someone who is interested in marriage. This guy has been dating you for two years, and he's not interested in marriage. No matter how good the sex is or how much fun you have together or how compatible you think you are, he doesn't have the same relationship goals you have. That's why he hasn't introduced you to his parents, and it's why he's not divorced. Separation is not the same thing as divorce, and if he really wanted to move on, he'd get the divorce. It sounds like he's very comfortable and clear that he likes things the way they are, and you're hoping he'll change his mind. He won't. I know this is disappointing, and a two year relationship ending is painful, but the best thing for you to do is to move on. Take care of yourself and nurture your relationship goals. If you want a guy who wants to get married, then date guys who want to get married. That's important to you, so make sure you have a compatible partner. I hope that helps.
- [Re: [Private] Am I overreacting?](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35831): You're not overreacting at all. It's entirely inappropriate for your 30 year old boyfriend of two years, with whom you have a committed relationship, to be hosting his brother's ex-girlfriend in his apartment, and sharing his bed with her during the visit! But the problem isn't just your boyfriend hosting this woman.... the problem is that you're not being honest with him. You're trying to project this cool girlfriend image -- you're trying to be someone who's always easy going, chill and carefree -- but the reality is you don't want your boyfriend sharing a bed with another woman! So don't act like you do. It's too confusing for you to say one thing and mean something else -- and for your boyfriend to second guess your feelings.
- [Re: Not sure what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35829): There is only one thing in the world that is worse than rejection -- and that is regret. If you never ask her out, you'll always wonder and you'll regret that you didn't ever find out for sure. She's definitely interested in you, but believe it or not, she may think you're not interested in her. From her point of view you're the guy who's really nice, but never asks her out. :? Yes, she's got a complicated situation, but when she tells you that things aren't good with her boyfriend, and she wants to break up with him, she's giving you opportunities to move in and ask her out on a date.
- [[Standard] Re: Not sure what to do](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35828): So, it's been a while since my last post. I never did ask her out. Every time I would mention something going on that I was thinking about going to or ask her what her plans were for the weekend to lead into asking her out, she would quickly bring up her boyfriend. I took it that she wasn't interested..at least right now.
A few weeks later I noticed she'd taken all of the pics of him off her Facebook. I assumed they'd broken up and I messaged her one Friday night. We talked for several hours, but towards the end she mentioned her boyfriend again. And not long after she told me they were getting an apartment together. At that point, I backed off a lot. I was still friendly to her but didn't see her as often and she seemed not as flirty. I also ran into an hold friend I dated a little bit a long time ago at an outdoor concert in town and went out with her again a few times. But, I'm not feeling it with this girl and just want to be friends.
Well, tonight I saw the co worker again for the first time in a month or so. And made mention of a Facebook post she'd made last week about buying a lot to build a house. I told her I saw where you guys have bought a lot. She immediately corrected me that SHE had bought it, not them. I just said "oh". And she told me that things "aren't good". That they had broken up, but the lease is forcing them to stay together. She said he was just going to leave because his credit is bad, hers is good. But I guess they decided to stay together because she's worried about her credit when she's getting ready to build this house. The lease isn't up until September, but she made some comment about not knowing if she can make it till then. Should I have acted excited to her that they'd broken up? And is she sending me signals to ask her out? Do I need to let her know now that I'd like to take her out when she's single or should I wait until they're no longer living together?
- [Re: [Standard] Girl Wants to Take it Slow](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35827): Always trust your gut. So many of us overthink things and talk ourselves out of what we already know because we're insecure or because we don't want things to end, or because we want them to go in a different direction. ;) It sounds like the relationship started out really well -- and went fast and smoothly. But, when you had what sounds like your first passionate night, she may have freaked out for some reason that has nothing to do with you. You don't really know her that well. It's only been six weeks dating, and the second half of that time has been chillier than the first half. So, this last three weeks is really part of the dating process that you use to decide if you want to continue seeing her. Sounds like you invested a chunk of your heart in this relationship -- maybe a little early.... and now you're getting to know this side of her and you're not sure what's going on. My advice is to let it play out until either she warms up a little more, or until you feel that what you're learning and what you're getting back isn't worth your time and energy. One or the other. Being confused is okay -- that's what happens a lot in new relationships where you don't really know someone that well, in spite of a whirlwind romance. But when you get to know her.... and want to stay with it -- or don't... that's when you're dating smart because you're paying attention and your'e figuring out what you need, what she's offering and whether the two of you are compatible. Time is your friend -- and so is your intuition!I hope that helps.
- [Re: [Standard] Urgent Porn Help](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35825): Time to take the porn out of the closet! You found your boyfriend's porn on the computer you share with him -- so on some conscious or subconscious level, he wanted you to find it so that you're in on this secret he has. If he really wanted to keep it secret, he would have worked harder to do so. This is his way of trying to share and start a conversation. Whether or not you like his style, this is what you're working with, so let's move forward! You need to bring this up with him. Tell him you found his porn -- just like that. And let him react. Don't paint him into a corner with judgment. And if he doesn't react, ask him if he wants to talk about it at all. If he doesn't, tell him you do. Ideally, you'll have a conversation and that's the time to tell him that you're disturbed by the incest in his porn. Subject matters like these are typically kept quiet -- and not discussed because they're uncomfortable and awkward. But that's the worst thing you can do, because by keeping his secret quiet, it becomes your secret that is kept quiet, too -- and then you're being complicit in enabling shame. So air it out and talk about it. You've been dating for three years, so you probably think you know everything about each other -- but many long-term relationships have secrets kept for way longer than three years, so use this opportunity, as distasteful as it may be, to get to know him by discussing this issue. If he does have an incest fetish -- or if he's been molested in the past or had some type of sexual history that is troubling -- now is the time to address this. So, before you break up or assume what may or may not be.... talk to him. This finding is a cry for help -- and an opportunity to get to know each other beyond what you thought you already knew.
- [Re: [Standard] Appalled at my behavior did I ruin it all](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35823): You haven't ruined your chances for the long run, but the short run needs to be all about damage control. The object of your affection made it clear that he's not into drama, and your passing out drunk at a party was distasteful to him. So, the first thing you need to do is check yourself. Was this a one time thing, or do you think you may have a drinking problem? Getting buzzed or tipsy is one thing, but passing out is a big deal, so if you need help, get it. If you don't have a problem or need help, consider the reasons for your drama this guy is concerned about. What caused you to get that drunk? In addition, ask yourself if you have other drama in your life beyond drinking. If you do, and you want to get rid of it, you have some personal work to do. If not, then what will help this guy see that you're not all drama, all the time, is experiences with you where things go smoothly. This takes time and requires you to both be at the same parties at the same time, or at the same events at the same time.... show him your work out ethic, or your fitness streak -- which will hopefully offset that drinking episode. Show him your clean eating and other lifestyle assets you possess that indicate you're not about drama -- you're about peace and peaceful living. You can invite him to jogging or hiking with you. You can talk to him about other healthy things you're doing in your life -- without indicating too boldly, so it doesn't look like you're trying too hard. And you have to be patient. This isn't "fix" won't happen over night. It'll take some time. I hope that helps!
- [Re: [Private] continuing relationship](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35821): If this is her pattern of behavior, rather than try and get her to change her behavior, why not consider changing your own behavior and your own reactions to her behavior? ;) For instance, if she tends to clam up and retreat, consider your reaction to her doing this. Do you go along with it? Do you keep calling her? Or sending gifts and asking her out? Do you show up at her house because you haven't heard from her? Do you express concern that she's ill or something's wrong because she's clamming up like this? Or do you just wait her out? Do you take that behavior with a stiff upper lip? Or do you let her know it's not a very respectful way to treat a person, and THAT you'd hope she would think more highly of you than to revert to shutting you out without explanation? You've talked a lot about her behavior, but what's really important here is yours. :) Take inventory of what you're doing, and then consider other options.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Relationship difficulty](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35819): Dating with children is tough! In fact, kids and potential step-kids can become as difficult in a relationship and as much a relationship deal breaker as a meddling in-law. It's easy to forget this because the idea of one big happy family seems so seductive, and children seem so sweet an joyful -- but beware! Dating with kids can be like walking over a minefield. Here are a few tips you can try:
- [Re: [RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35817): I think he really likes you, and those short messages had everything to do with the fact that he's sick and not feeling well. It's hard to be flirty when you're run down and feeling punk. I don't think his responses have to do with anything else. As for what happened -- he's definitely attracted to you, and when he stopped himself from going forward when the two of you were making out, by saying, "Oh, I have to stop myself,", he was looking for a clue from you as to what YOU wanted him to do. Guys aren't always as confident as they might seem to be, and I think he was looking for confirmation from you that it was okay to continue, or that you liked what was going on... so when you're in that position next time, give him some input when he says, 'Oh, I have to stop myself," because he really wants your feedback and didn't know how to ask for it.
- [Re: [RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35816): Okay so we watched a movie last Wednesday, and I noticed that he could not keep his hands off of me. It was insane, but once he began touching a lot, he said , "oh I have to stop myself. " That kind of upset me so we sat in my car, and I said, "I feel like you're trying to resist to me and It's make things awkward and weird." He said things like its hard for him to resist but he's trying so hard but he got red flags, and doesn't want to get hurt. He also couldn't stop kissing my hands and trying to touch my face and kiss my forehead. I began crying uncontrollably, and he grabbed my face and kissed me for literally half an hour, and said, " I want to give this another shot. Let's start fresh, and lets see what this new year has in store." That made me so happy, but I said " no don't say that because you feel bad for me." He responded with, " I don't feel bad, I want this." I went home, and we exchanged good night messages. I am writing this message because I am so concerned as his messages are so short, boring, and not-flirty at all. I've been very sick and he's been checking up and today he said he wishes he can kiss me at midnight and all that jazz. He ended up going to bed earlier then midnight but wished me a happy new year. Should I be concerned with the short messages? Do you think that he is talking to me out of pity?
- [Re: [RUSH!] Friends becoming lovers](https://relationshipadviceexpert.com/?p=35815): All you have to do is stop fighting! I know that sounds simple -- and in reality is a lot harder to do. But, instead of finding fault, find ways to compliment him. Stop yourself from fighting, and to do so....Understand that this has a lot to do with you recognizing the signs of a fight coming on, and using self discipline to avert the fight. In addition, use really good manners -- like being timely when you respond to messages, or if you cancel a get together, don't do it at the last minute, leaving him hanging. If you keep your side of the street clean, those fights and that bickering will fade away.

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